“Yer lookin’ at tha same thing I is, an’ ya know dam well what ay’s about!”
“Well, ay dude yerself! What tha hell ya think a year in rear view’s saposed ta look like, yeah?”
* * * * *
6 January: He and She start the new year on a sound (and fleet) footing by ripping off a local burger joint. (Not intentionally.) The surprise comes when they try to make amends.
20 January: On a Saturday morning in the year 2047, Charles seeks to sleep in and have bacon for breakfast. But the artificial intelligence in charge of the health care system has other ideas – and the power to make them stick.
17 February: The Dudes get stuck backstage at another one of YFNA’s orchestra gigs. They have plenty of time, and reason, to meditate on lost causes. They didn’t know that Robert E. Lee was Hawaiian …
19 March: Your Friendly Neighborhood Amoeba tries a rant and gets ranted on, up one side and down the other, for his pains. No practice what you preach, no cred.
13 April (despite appearances, not a Friday): He and She didn’t have to put up with a volcanic eruption, or any of the fake news about it, in 2019. This, though, did not stop their favorite Hawaiian Island from throwing things at them.
21 April: Charles (see 20 January) has another run-in with the health care system. This time, he is rescued from the tender mercies of the Surplus Humanity Service by mind-altering bacteria in his gut – which, when removed, will cure his depression, or else. He does lose his supplier of contraband bacon.
5 May: So how do you cook, and serve, eggs Benedict for 127? All at the same time? In South America? To gorillas [sic] that are armed to the teeth? In your dreams? Yep, that’s about right. Well, perhaps not yours. But for the ones that She has …?
12 May: A simple(?) “Please may I have” at a sandwich shop begets an unexpected, but perhaps not inappropriate, response – reflecting on what it is that We the People really “want”.
2 June: He and She experience the start of summer in Hawaii. Gnaturally. Especially at bedtime.
7 July: Reg and Syd, the virtual fat captains of industry, gloat over the grand strategies and petty tricks that have left half the labor force of the Untied States out of the current economic boom, and convince those left behind that they’re happy about it.
4 August: A change in radio station ownership caused the Amoeba to wonder when the music of his youth became the music of old people, and why it had to.
10 August: He and She decide that they absolutely have to do something about the tyranny of the car in front.
16 September: Why is the ocean blue? Because, as He and She discover, and wrangle over, it’s made a whole lot of really bad lifestyle choices.
21 September: A father sends his young son to his room for asking too many probing questions about the meaning of adulthood.
27 October: Reg and Syd cap off five years of ‘I told you so’ with their reaction to the report that millennials have purchased just as many automobiles as generations before them. Thus, the millennial ‘save the world’ rhetoric, which sounded like the Baby Boomer ‘save the world’ rhetoric of forty years ago, is suffering the same fate.
3 November: Dentists can’t afford fake news. They have to deal with the tooth as they find it.
10 November: When a doctor does go wrong, he is the first of criminals. He has nerve and he has knowledge. As when Research Director Casper W. Chinn, Ph.D., is assaulted by his superiors at Orcin Extermination one time too often.
17 November: He and She confront the age-old conundrum: “If it’s tourist season, why can’t we shoot them“? He suggests a solution: onerists. Half as many!
24 November: Alexa Health Services, the global AI wellness and medical provider (see 20 January, 21 April), identifies Mark and Kathy as ideal candidates for an unrestricted procreation license, at a time when, due to climate and resource issues, it is driving down human population overall. Until …
7 December: … the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country.
14 December: The scientist compares the blithe imaginings of youth in 1971 with the increasingly onerous realities of maturity in 2019.
18 December: Articles of impeachment are read against the 45th President of the United States of America, Donald J. Trump, three years after it was too late. No sitting President has yet been convicted (Richard Nixon resigned rather than face trial), and with Republicans holding the majority in the Senate, the chances of Trump being convicted are small. Sound and fury, signifying nothing. See 7 December.
22 December: The Dudes end the year doing a thing. And you thought you knew what a thing is. Never mind a thingy.
May your 2020 be all that you hope from it!
(Hey, there’ll be this magnificently useless sideshow to watch in Washington DC!)