He and She: Recipe for Road Rage

She: “Sweetheart?”

He: “Yes’m?”

She: “I just saw on Fa…”

He: “Scraper alert!!”

She: “No, we do not live in Boston (thank God!), and we do not keep a scraper in the car year round!”

He: [sighs] “Just on the computer.”

She: “Then how do you expect me to find out about stuff? Like about this bumper sticker. Watch out for the idiot behind me. Ever see one?”

He:Not I, said the cat. Onscreen or in the wild. But [types search string] … it appears to be a thing. A big thing. Sheesh.”

She: “The message seems just a little … aggressive?”

He: “Tip of the iceberg, apparently. There are whole books of these stickers on sale now. Stickers like, um, this one.”

She: “Wow. Where’s the aloha?”

He: “You kidding? That sticker’s the motto of the Honolulu Motorists Convention. Two-hour meetings (or longer) twice each weekday, and irregularly on weekends. Aloha serves those who serve themselves – with fleetness of foot, sharpness of eye, and a sense of timing that standup comics can only fantasize about.”

She: “Hmph! Trying to take that ‘standup’ crack lying down. Not working for me.”

He: “You’ve always been a standup kind of person when it matters.”

She: “Oh, OK. Nice save. Mwhah!”

He:Mwhah back. Y’know what, though? These aggro things usually carry with them the seeds of their own destruction. The rejoinder to this ‘idiot behind me’ sticker is so obvious. Surely somebody’s figured this out by now. [Types another search string] What? Nothing?”

She: “Way to keep the feminists mad at you, dear.”

He: “… huh?”

She: “Shirley’s been excluded. Again. If the response is so obvious, you make it!”

He: “Damn right! This tyranny of the car in front has got to end! Gimme a minute …”

He: “There!”

She: “Um …”

He: “So how else do you propose to communicate with people who insist on viewing the world through rear-view mirrors?”

She: “Trying to make sure that the passed rears up to bite them, yes?”

He: “That’s the idea.”

She: “So when did you become the membership director for this Honolulu Motorists Convention? And when did this become a statewide mandate?”

He: […]

She: “Don’t roll your eyes at me! You get an ‘idiot in front’ sticker run up behind an ‘idiot behind’ sticker, both drivers get pissed off, stop in the middle of traffic, and start a meeting right there and then! And none of the rest of us get to get anything done!”

He: “This is different from what we’ve got now how?”

She:Please, love. There’s no call for making things any worse!”

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2 Responses to He and She: Recipe for Road Rage

  1. Quilly says:

    We aren’t even going to discuss the idiot beside me.

  2. Nathalie Hoke says:


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