He: “Yep, it’s here. It’s the season.”
She: “No! Not yet! Can’t we wait until after Thanksgiving? I’m not ready for nonstop Ho Ho Ho. And I’m really not ready for nonstop Christmas music concerts! About the only times I get to see you between Black Friday and New Years Day is when you hand me your tux and uniforms to get ready for the next gig! Please don’t tell me it’s starting up already!”
He: “OK, I won’t tell you.”
She: “!!!!!”
He: “Sorry, babe, but, ready or not, Christmas is coming. Not quite yet, though. And it’s a tame season compared to the one that’s here now. I’m astounded that you haven’t noticed it yet.”
She: “Noticed what?”
He: “Let me put it to you this way. All summer long, when I’ve wished to come home from work, I’ve been able to do it. Traffic’s sometimes heavy, but it’s never been stopped. But, this week? Bumper to bumper, not moving. You’d think we were on the mainland, or Honolulu, or something.”
She: “O .. my .. ”
He: “Yep, that’s right …”
He and She together: “Tourist season!!”
She: “You don’t know the half of it. I was in the grocery store today, in my cart, waiting what I thought was my turn in front of the dairy case. Well, the folks I was waiting on got what they wanted, and moved on. And another pair of people shoved in front of me! OK, I waited for them to do their thing. And then a family of three shoved in front of me! I turned to the lady beside me. ‘I didn’t know I was invisible. Am I invisible?’ She just giggled. We decided to come back later.”
He: “And did you remember to do that?”
She: “I think so …”
He: “You’d think they had an inconsiderate spoiled-brat s.o.b. of a President to emulate, or something. And were doing it perfectly well.”
She: “You’re sure it’s not the other way around? Whatever, I sure wish there were fewer of them. If it’s tourist season, why can’t we …”
He: “Wrong kind of season, dear, sorry. Besides. Cameras. They’re shooting us. Be thankful you’re the wrong kind of deer. But I think I’ve got a way to cut their numbers in half, and no worries about getting hauled up before a judge for hunting without a license.”
She: “And what would that be, Mr. Bond?”
He: “Onerists.”
She: “…. whut?”
He: “You don’t allow tworists on the island. Only onerists. Presto. Half the traffic. And if you try to bring in twice as many onerists onto the island to make up the difference, you alert the Mauna Kea protestors to a new threat to the ‘aina, and that will be the end of that!”
She: “Sweetheart …”
He: “Amirite?”
She: “Are you getting enough sleep?”