Amoeba’s Lorica: Lahaina

“Are you all right?”

Yeah, Your Friendly Neighborhood Amoeba and his Quilly have heard this song before.

It seems hardly possible that, a mere five years ago, the bottom fell out of Kilauea volcano, and YFNA and Quilly spent the next several months reassuring people that, no, they were not about to be inundated with lava floods from an eruption that was 70 miles away, on the other side of two colossal mountains that the lava would have to cross to reach them.

Then again, the year 2 BC* belonged to a different age of humankind. That’s what it feels like, anyway.

Fast forward to August 8th, year 4 C (Common Era year 2023). A major hurricane passes well to the south of the Hawaiian Islands. A strong high pressure area passes well to the north. The Hawaiian Islands are caught in the [ahem] crossfire. Gale-force winds whip through mountain passes and down leeward mountain slopes, carrying all before them. Dry leaves. Dry tree branches. Dry roof timbers. Dry power poles.

Sparks.

Are you all right?!?

Once again, YFNA and Quilly were well out of harm’s way. The same colossal mountains (Mauna Loa and Hualalai) that stood between YFNA and lava blocked the winds that roared downslopes to the north. While gusts reached hurricane force in Waikoblowa, 40 miles away, YFNA and Quilly sat at home, in the heat and humidity, wishing for a breeze.

The small fires on the Big Island were in sparsely populated areas, and burned mostly grass.

The people on Maui should have been so lucky. Especially the people of Lahaina, on Maui’s western shore, and directly downslope of the older, and smaller, of the island’s two extinct volcanoes.

In the small hours of Tuesday morning, August 8th, the winds start howling. As forecast by the National Weather Service and the Maui Emergency Management Agency. Power poles get taken down; power is cut off to residences, and roads are blocked. Cell phone towers are disabled, either due to the disruptions in electricity distribution or to damage to the towers themselves. By 7 AM, fires start. They burn. Then they’re contained. Then they burn. Then they’re contained.

And then they burn.

When a Hawaiian lava flow is descending on you, there is warning. There is time to prepare. When it reaches you, you finish collecting your things, you get up, and you walk away.

When a wildfire roars down on you, your time is measured in minutes, maybe seconds. When it reaches you, you run, carrying nothing, and maybe you run fast enough, and in the correct direction.

In the space of a few hours, a community of 13,000 people is wiped off the map. (Kailua Kona, where YFNA has, so far, dodged disaster, is credited with 22,000 residents.) Hundreds of people are caught between the devil’s flame and the deep blue sea, which is whipped into a frenzy by those same fire-bearing winds. Some of those people make it into the water, and are eventually picked up by the Coast Guard. Others do not. Entire families die in their cars, which can not escape over roads blocked by wind-blown debris, fire, and panic.

As this post is written, more than 110 people are known to have died in the Lahaina fire, with more than 1,000 people still missing, and half of the burned area yet to be searched. The fire burned 2,200 acres, and consumed 2,200 buildings. For comparison, the Great Chicago Fire of 1871, during an era where “great urban fires” were commonplace, killed 300 people, burned 2,100 acres, and destroyed 17,500 buildings.

All of this, of course, is being reported ad nauseam by the major news media of these Untied States of America, which can be counted on to recognize a profitable significant news story and push it before We the People with all the resources at their disposal, including those dupes with cell phones who are prepared to trade the livelihoods of those formerly engaged in the profession of “journalism” for fifteen seconds of fleeting, and unfunded, fame, pandering and pimping to johns around the nation and the world who clamor, “I want to see the flames!!

At least, this time, the media didn’t report that the fires on Maui forced the evacuation of Honolulu.

What they are reporting, doubtless with the gleeful sound of ka-CHING in their ears, is the finger-pointing. Officials of Hawaiian Electric likely have corresponding officials (the ones named “Sparky”) of Pacific Gas and Electric on speed dial, while hapless consumers in the Hawaiian Islands contemplate the price of electricity being lifted yet further into the ionosphere. Heads have already rolled at the Maui Emergency Management Agency. “Climate change” politicking by the state’s Governor is in full cry, while at the same time he’s desperately trying to keep climate-destroying tourists coming to the islands so Hawai‘i can fend off bankruptcy, in the face of Maui residents who are understandably distraught about having to watch pretty people have a good time while they fight the chronic homeless for tent space. (Kailua Kona has already hosted at least one cruise ship that was originally intended to stop at Lahaina.)

Sigh.

Your Friendly Neighborhood Amoeba can only do what he can do.


* BC: Before Covid; also, Before Cancer

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Amoeba’s Lorica: Meme-ories 46 (Tarnation)

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Amoeba’s Lorica: SETIback

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away … maybe. (No, not that galaxy.)


Avaan Fundebinder strode purposefully onto the auditorium stage of the Galactic Center to Search for ExtraTelemanny Intelligence (GC-SETI), to a storm of applause from the journalists assembled, live and via voomscreens, for the press conference. Behind him, far less enthusiastically, shambled SETI Search Coordinator Betell Sooth. A lectern bearing the wordmark of the GC-SETI stood center stage. Fundebinder, the institute’s Leader, marched to it, while Sooth half-fell into one of the two chairs immediately stage right of it.

“A joyous surnoon to you all, my fellow telemanx”, Fundebinder’s amplified tenor, a practiced presenter’s voice, rang strong and clear. “Malomalomalo for coming to our press conference, where we shall announce a key finding of our research. Our SETI Search Coordinator will give you the details. I present to you: Dr. Betell Sooth!”

More applause. Sooth initially half rose, hesitated, then, as if gripped by a “dammit, get this over with” resolve, straightened and made his way, grimly, to the speaker’s station, nodding at Fundebinder as the two passed. A look of concerned surprise spread over Fundebinder’s face as he took his seat to the right of the podium.

“Malo, Professor Dr. Fundebinder,” Sooth’s gritty baritone was a far less practiced speaking voice. At the formal title (“Malomalomalo, Avaan” was what was expected), and the speaker’s tone, Fundebinder’s expression changed to one of shock, and incipient anger. “I do not have an announcement for you. I have two. The first is, this press conference is my last official act as SETI Search Coordinator, and as a member of GC-SETI staff. My retirement takes effect when we are done, and my legal team has made it clear to me, and to all, that the Imperial Boons due to me on retirement are secure, come what may here so long as no crimes are committed. This allows me to speak, at long last, as a scientist, not as a shill, and to tell you, based on that science, what is, and not what will keep GC-SETI in Boons, or titillate your audiences and keep your journalist sucrooteries paid. And if saying what is be deemed a crime, so be it.”

The hall was silent except for the venomous glare that Fundebinder aimed at Sooth.

“Here, then, is what is.” The untrained voice swelled, and boomed through the hall. “We are alone in the galaxy, and probably in the universe. Our search is, and will remain, fruitless.”

The silence was replaced by a low buzz. Sooth’s voice projected over it.

“We have been puzzled for tenyears about fragmentary electromagnetic impulses that we collected from time to time, that could not be explained by random astrophysical events but were not sufficiently coherent to be assessed as purposeful signals. That puzzlement has featured prominently in our boonmanxship, and has kept a lot of us in sucroot.”

Fundebinder’s glare turned to red-faced fury. If Sooth noticed – Fundebinder was behind him and to his left, after all – he did not let on.

“We have finally collected enough of these fragments to compare them with what our own electromagnetic emissions look like in Hamestar space, and assess what they are and what they mean. We have identified eleven point sources for these emissions, distributed essentially at random throughout the galaxy. Eleven point sources that can be interpreted as purposeful electronic communications.”

“But you said …!” rang out from several places in the hall simultaneously. They were met with an inarticulate, visceral roar from the podium.

I!!” Silence. Sooth ground out his continuation. “I … will tell the full story. And then you will have context for your questions.

“We have three explanations for the fragmentary nature of these signals. The first: their transmission is chaotic. Different signal strengths, different frequencies. Our own sound similar at the margins of Hamespace. Like ours, they are internal communications, not intended for far-distant earholes.

“The second: the interference of astrophysical phenomena. The signals are weak, easily absorbed or deflected by galactic dust, dark stars, and other material detectable and not.

“The third: the duration from any one point source is short; the Gander Algorithm variable L is vanishingly small. By the time we get enough signal for interpretation, the source vanishes.

“We have spent much time and effort on this third factor, again using our own communications as a model. Our conclusion: in each and every instance, before the community became capable of purposefully transmitting a coherent, and consistently interpretable, set of signals to space, the community had collapsed.

“In one such case – it was, of course, the one that was making the nearest approach to coherence – its star went nova. All the rest succumbed to some planetary catastrophe, either abruptly as in a global war scenario using doomsday weapons, or more gradually due to resource depletion or catastrophic climate change. We have interpreted signals from each of the ten non-nova-related clusters that are consistent with one or more of these outcomes. We conclude that, in each case, the technologies that permitted the producing communities to emit signals also caused those signals to cease. And, once ceased, signals do not resume. No new signals have come from any of the ten non-nova clusters that we have observed. The collapse, once effected, is permanent.

“Our creaturelocks tell us that evolution of lifeforms, whether carbon-based or silicon-based – we don’t yet know of any others – is a process that cannot predict the future. Selection in nature only acts on what benefits the creatures it’s acting on right now. We interpret our observations to mean that this evolutionary principle, as explained by the genius Windar in the face of great controversy two centares ago, applies throughout the galaxy, and is probably literally universal. The communities responsible for our signal sets either lacked the ability to perceive the onset of the calamities that destroyed them – they lacked the ability to predict the future – or they lacked the ability to act on the predictions they made, because such action benefited no individuals right now, whereas inaction benefited most individuals right now.

“Our sailingwizards tell us that our sailingwaters will start to lose breatheair sometime in this tenyear, thanks to the technologies that we use to communicate to each other. They tell us that the process, once started, will be unstoppable, and will kill us all in a centare or so, unless we either abandon these technologies or spend massive boons on additional technologies to correct the problems, with material resources that we may, or may not, have available on the planet. We are doing, and will do, neither, because neither benefits any of us right now. And so we go on, feigning that we have the time, and the boons, to send beepings to the interstellar dust, and listen for the beepings that others that we pretend are out there send to us.

“We conclude that we are alone in the galaxy. There is no intelligence to be found. And neither do we qualify. We are next in line for obliteration.”

“Tufortunoha to you all.”

Sooth, spent, stumbled out from behind the lecturn and shambled stage right. His departure was accompanied by stony silence. At a nod from Fundebinder, two uniformed telemanx appeared in the wings, escorting Sooth off the stage, out of the building, and off the GC-SETI campus.

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