Dude and Dude: Balancing Ack

Dude walks into his pad one fine morning, after a stroll (where else) on the beach, to find &Dude sitting in a chair, when he expected him to be, er, somewhere else …


Dude! Wtf? What’re you doin’ here?”

“I, like, live here, dude. Same as you.”

“But what ’bout tha job?

“What job?”

“That’s whut I wuz afraid of. Whut happened?”

“I, like, didn’t wanna die, dude!”

“At a desk job? Dude, I get it, laziness R us an’ has been fer like ferevah, but two hours a keyboardin’ ain’t gonna kill a dude!”

“Tha boss said othawise.”

“[…] whut?”

“First email she sends me, the .sig talks ’bout this ‘work-life’ balance thingy. Yeah, work sucks, but ain’t nobody evah told me work ain’t a part a life, and if’n yer not livin’ while yer at work, yer dead, amirite? An’ I told ya, I don’ wanna die!

“O .. my ..”

“An’ whut’s wit’ this ‘workin’ hours’ crap? If’n tha hours ain’t workin’, then time’s standin’ still, ain’t it? An’ don’t that mean we’re all dead?!?”

“How’d ya know, dude?”

“Know whut?”

“Whetha time wuz standin’ still. If’n ever’thin’s stopped, so’s yer ability ta know ‘r think ’bout it. So time c’ld stop dead …

Aaaack!!

“Dude?”

“Whut?”

Shaddap. Time c’ld stop dead, an’ neither you nor ennybody else would know tha difference.”

“Which means we’d neva get enny messages sent outside a workin’ hours, yeah? ‘Cause nuthin’s happenin’ ‘less tha hours ‘r workin’. So whut’s tha deal?”

“Fancy peeps like bosses c’n make enny deal they want. Meanwhile, how’re you an’ me gonna pay tha rent?

“Same way we’ve been doin’ it ever since COVID, dude. Which ain’t ovah yet, ‘case ya haven’t noticed.”

“They been makin’ noises ’bout endin’ that subsidy stuff, y’know.”

“Let ’em try, dude. That’s whut elections ‘r for, yeah? They get pissy, we vote ’em out.”

Been tried, dude.”

“And?”

“Didn’t end well.”

“Yeah, that was then, whenevah that wuz. This is now. We’s different.”

“Hoooookay, dude. But, ya get dead from hunger ‘r in a riot, don’ come bawlin’ ta me.”

“Better that than dyin’ from workin’, dude.”

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