Dude and Dude: This Is Not The Fund You’re Lookin’ For

“So I wuz watchin’ this chick, dude …”

“What wit’, dude? Binoculars?”

“I don’ …”

“So she couldn’ smell ya an’ run off screamin’?”

“Riiight, dude. Go ‘head, try it yer way an’ have her run off screamin’ that yer a coronavirus vector.”

“Dude?”

What?

“Shaddap. So what’s so hot ’bout this chick?”

“Well, she wuz wearin’ this T-shirt, see. An’ it had, like, this World Wildlife Fund logo on it. ‘An I wuz thinkin’ …”

“… that she wuz a nature girl an’ wouldn’ mind yer smell? Even wit’out yer burnin’ down tha forest tryin’ ta think?”

“Let it go, dude. Afore I let one go ‘cross yer jaw! What I wuz thinkin’ wuz, if’n there’s a World Wildlife Fund, how come there ain’t no World Tamelife Fund, yeah?”

“Dude …”

“I mean, look, fer ever’ girl that’s inta, like whales ‘r gorillas ‘r whatnot, there’s gotta be dozens what’r inta, ya know, dogs, cats, horses, yada.”

Dude…”

“An’ surely them pets an’ stuff need a world a support jus’ like tha wild animals do …”

“DuUUUUDE….!”

“An’ if’n ya wuz runnin’ such a fund, and tha chicks know it, surely ya’d have all tha chicks ya wanted runnin’ ta you …”

WTF, dude!!!”

“WTF what, du … oh.”

“Yeah. Oh. Sorry, dude, yer gonna haveta figger out somethin’ else fer yer ‘get chicks quick’ scheme. This ain’t tha one yer lookin’ fer.”

“Ya got enny better idees?”

“Mebbe takin’ a shower ever’ once in awhile?”

“But, dude! If’n I do that, how’m I gonna get tha attention a tha chicks what are inta stoppin’ climate change, yeah?”

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