Dude and Dude: Pell-Mell

“What you got there, dude?”

“A letter from the state governor, dude.”

“Since when is the governor writing you letters, dude? You holdin’ out on me or somethin’?”

“Not that kind of letter, dude. A form letter. Wants me to go to college.”

You go to college? With what, dude? You’re unemployed!

“Says here I can get this grant thingy to help. A Pell grant, whatever that is.”

“That the Federal government thingy?”


“Got a month?”

“Why a month?”

“It’ll take you that long to fill out the paperwork. How much?”

“Oh, I dunno. Oh, yeah, here it is. Five grand.”

Five thousand dollars? Are they serious? Five grand won’t get you a frickin’ textbook these days! Where the expletive deleted are you going to get the rest of the money?”

Borrow it, I guess.”

But you’re unemployed, dude!!! And the economy’s in the tank because the banks were loaning money to people like you. Who’s going to give you anything but a cross to the chops now?

“Says here that, if I’m going to college, they’ll help me find loans.”

“Riiight. This makes sense. Rack up 30 K bucks a year in debt and get a degree so you can make the same money you did flippin’ burgers without it. This governor friend of yours on ice or something?”

“I told you, dude, I got a form letter.”

“Yeah. All form, no substance. Besides, where are you going to get this flippin’ degree? The colleges are so broke, they’re even resorting to cutting the salaries of the honchos. By the time you get that Pell grant paperwork finished, and they get around to giving you that piddly little allowance, the colleges might be gone … Oh. I get it. Cattle for the ranch. You’re going in the hole to prop up their campuses. I’m an idiot not to see that.”

“My God. Alert the media.”

“For why, dude?”

“The ‘idiot’ thing. You finally admitted it.”

“Takes one to know one, dude. Tell me, what did you do in high school? When your education was free?

“Um … party?”

“And how do you feel about that now?

“OK, dude, you made your point. You think the folk out there will get it?”

“You would think that going 30 K a year into debt so you can make, with a degree, the same $10 an hour you would at Arby’s without one, would have already made the point, dude. But I suppose ‘late’ is better than ‘never’.”

– O Ceallaigh
Copyright © 2009 Felloffatruck Publications. All wrongs deplored.
All opinions are mine as a private citizen.

This entry was posted in Dude and Dude, economy, education, Hawai'i, humor, satire and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Dude and Dude: Pell-Mell

  1. davis says:

    I hear Wendy’s is paying $10.50 🙂

  2. The Amoeba says:

    And I just heard, Davis, of an educational institution that was paying $10.25. Bachelor’s degree and a million bucks worth of background checks required, of course. You know, don’t you, that Wendy’s and Arby’s are now essentially the same place?

  3. melli says:

    So Amoeba… should I tell Krysti to drop out NOW?

    • The Amoeba says:

      If Krysti has a clearly-defined educational goal that is reasonable and sensible, and at which she’s making progress, no. If she’s just marking time, or is only going for the parties or because someone told her to, YES.

  4. Quilly says:

    Love, was this prompted by the folks that insisted I have a BA before they would even interview me, and then offered me their job at $10.25 per hour?

  5. Thom says:

    One red tape leads to another I suppose.

  6. Pingback: Quintessentially Quilly » Unemployment Blues

  7. tilden says:

    i got the debt
    i didnt get the degree
    because i realised i was racking up debt
    and i was not going to get the kind of job
    i desired in my industry
    and had i got that job
    i would have made no more money
    i would have only added responsibility and stress
    i gave it up to save myself some money
    and my sanity

    and ive learned
    im just happier at menial jobs…

    the people are nicer
    the work is just as hard
    but for the most part
    when my work is done for the day
    thats it
    i dont have to bring any of it home

    • The Amoeba says:

      Tilden, the people who are in the business of selling paid-for (as distinct from the gutted hulk of public, “free”) education in these Untied States won’t wish to hear this but … if more people thought carefully about what they wished to do in life, and geared their education plans accordingly, there’d be a lot more happiness in the world.

      There are, unfortunately, already plenty of people in this world who will use “they prefer it that way” as a justification for denial of education services to persons of lesser means and pedigree. I am convinced that, if I had grown up the same way as I did, but in the 90s instead of the 60s, I’d be driving a truck now, or mowing grass. The costs of a college education would be insurmountable, the debt burden unbearable. This scares me.

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