Dude and Dude: Sustainabull

“Dude! What the hell are you doing?!?

“Crushing beer cans, dude. Doing my bit for recycling.”

“Well, will you do your bit someplace else, dude? You’re making my head hurt.”

“Look, dude, it takes a little effort to go green. If you can’t take the pain of reducing, reusing, and …”

“Dude, the pain comes from watching you bang away and realizing you got no clue. How many of those beers did you drink today?”

“Four. About average.”

“So you’ve put four of those cans into the waste stream. Did you know that the average dude today puts twice as much trash into the world than a dude in 1960?”

“No, dude, I didn’t. So you’re going to tell me I only get two beers a day, ain’t ya?”

“No, dude, I’m not. Because I’m gonna ask you, how many people are alive today on this planet?”

I dunno. I don’t talk with OC the way you do. No wonder you get headaches.”

“Well, for your aspirin-gobbling pleasure, dude, I’ll tell you. It’s around 6.6 thousand million of us.”

“Thousand million? Is that English?”

“As a matter of fact, it is. The American would be 6.6 billion.”

“Why didn’t you say that in the first place?”

“‘Cause someone from Melbourne might be listening in on this conversation. Though I don’t know why they’d hang around to hear your pearls of wisdom. Care to have a guess how many of us there were in 1960?”

“Six billion?”

“Try three, dude. About half as many as there are now. Each one of them generating, on average, half as much trash as you. So, math genius, how many beers do you get a day so you can just break even in the trash sweepstakes with the dudes of 1960?”

“Um … [gulp] … one?

“Ring the happy bells, dude! One it is. Now let’s find out just how much you’ve won. Just to break even with 1960, dude, you’ve got to use one-fourth of the food (and probably one-sixteenth of the food packaging), do one-fourth of the driving, buy one-fourth of the toilet paper …”

No, dude! Not the toilet paper!!

“Just be thankful you’re not left-handed, dude.”

“But, dude! This is terrible! You’re telling me that the only way to develop a sustainable lifestyle is to go back to the Stone Age!?!

“Stone Age technology won’t feed 600 million of us, dude. Never mind 6.6 billion. We’d better do a whole lot better than that, or else. Just don’t lecture me about the ‘pain of reducing’, dig? Even with every technology we can put out there, ‘green’ is going to hurt a whole lot more than anyone outside of Rwanda can imagine. And don’t let any of these envirosnakeoil salesmen tell you any different. No matter how pretty their lies are.”

Tip of the propeller beanie to Anthony North’s Code Blue story for the inspiration for this post. Tony, though, wants to blame The Corporations for global environmental calamity, whilst Your Friendly Neighborhood Amoeba argues that The Corporations only do what We tell them to. The Corporations could figure out how to do The Right Thing and still make money, if We told them (via what we buy and how we buy it) that ‘green’ is what We want. But, I think, We the People don’t really want to hear the truth about being green. We might have to dump the Lexus …

  – O Ceallaigh
Copyright © 2009 Felloffatruck Publications. All wrongs deplored.
All opinions are mine as a private citizen.

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15 Responses to Dude and Dude: Sustainabull

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