He and She: Stoner Sea

He: Tell me you weren’t planning to go to the beach today.”

She: “OK. ‘I’m not planning to go to the beach today.’ Now tell me why?

He: “Because you might get busted.”

She: “Yes, dear. There is a reason why I try to stay away from the breaking waves.”

He: “Good move. But it won’t be enough.”

She: “Why not?”

He: “Because the whole ocean’s stoned!”

She: “Don’t you mean that it rocks?

He: “Not exactly …”

She: “I don’t get it, then. With all the rocks in the water? Especially around the Big Island of Hawai‘i, where we live?”

He: “Yes, love, we live on a rocky shore. Which will surely stone you if it gets half a chance. But it’s worse than that.”

She: “Yee – esss?”

He: “Didn’t you hear? The authorities have posted high surf warnings!

She: “[…] So, according to you, the ocean is smokin’. It’s made a bad lifestyle choice today, and therefore we should all stay away?”

He: “Yes, that was what I was thinking.”

She: “Then how come you go anywhere near it on any day?!?”

He: “It isn’t always high …”

She: “It’s got crabs, doesn’t it?!? Speaking of bad lifestyle choices. Not to mention bad hygiene. You just be careful what you bring home, you hear me? Lecture me about staying off the beach …”

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He and She: Fooding Around

He: “So how are you feeling, love?”

She: “Stuffed. Overstuffed!”

He: “Hm, ok. I promise not to sit on you.”

She: “Good. You wouldn’t like any of the kinds of ‘throw’ you’d get from me if you tried that.”

He: “Right. But I guess you liked your dinner.”

She: “Um, yes. You could say it was edible.”

He: “I could, I suppose. But I’ve gotta know something.”

She: “Ye – esss?”

He: “Who’s Ed?”

She: “[…] whut?”

He: “I wish to know who Ed is. And why Ed? Why not George, or Wally, or Murgatroyd, or Esmerelda? What’s Ed got that these folk ain’t got? Or that I ain’t got?? What’s so magical about Ed that makes it certain that what’s good for Ed is good for the rest of us? Is good for me! And for you!”

She: “I’m sorry, love. I thought you knew.”

He: “Knew what?”

She: “Ed is a bull!

He: “Really? I thought he was a horse.”

She: “Would I steer you wrong?”

He: “You mean, like when you’re horsing around?”

She: “Like, when I’m being bullish about you, my love. You’re so … so …”

He: “Aw …”


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Amoeba’s Lorica: Meme-ories 23 (Sic Semper Suffragii)

ABSOLUTE, adj. Independent, irresponsible. Absolute monarchies are those in which the sovereigns do as they please, so long as they please the assassins. Not many absolute monarchies are left, most of them having been replaced by limited monarchies, where the sovereign’s power for evil (and for good) is greatly curtailed, and by republics, which are governed by chance.

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