Amoeba’s Lorica: Meme-ories 60 (Our True Flag)

“Many [scientific research] grants were eliminated because they contain words, including climate, diversity, disability, trans or women. Some drew the administration’s ire because the applications included D.E.I. statements required by the previous administration.
“Australian academics have stopped attending conferences in the U.S. for fear of being detained.
“Facts are elite, facts are fungible, facts are false. And once nothing is true, anything can be true.”

– New York Times Newsletter, 25 April 2025


Changing times require changing symbols. Ones that accurately reflect Our history, Our present circumstances as We perceive them, Our preferred policies, Our aspirations for the future.

The changing times have rendered Our current national symbols outmoded, outdated. We need new ones, that truly reflect who We are and who We strive to be.

To respond to that need, Your Friendly Neighborhood Amoeba proudly presents his proposal for a new National Flag, representing Our United States in North America United States of America and the authentic, historically-consistent Identity and Aspirations of Its People.

Behold, Our new flag, Our True Flag. The New Stainless Banner!

The overtly white-supremacist “Cornerstone Speech” by Alexander P. Stephens, Vice President of the Confederate States of America, and Our truest and most forthright Founding Father.

Posted in Amoeba's Lorica, history, Meme-ories, politics, satire, We the People | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Dude and Dude: More East

“Time ta call it a night, dude, headed fer my room. See ya in tha mornin’.”

“Kay, dude.”

“Y’ll be sackin’ out yerself soon, yeah?”

“Mebbe.”

“Maybe? Whatsamatta? Sumthin’ eatin‘ at ya?”

“Nah. Though now that ya mention it, I am kinda hungry. But that ain’t it.”

“So what is?”

“I wuz kinda hopin’ ta catch tha easter bunny in tha act. Speakin’ a hungry.”

“Tha whut?

“Ya heard me.”

At yer age?!? Whut tha hell drug’r ya on, and why didn’t ya leave enny fer me?

“No drugs, dude. They cause autism, ya know.”

“Yeah. Riiiight. Dude, ya ain’t laid in yer easter basket by now, ya ain’t gonna. It’s too late, tha stores ‘r closed, Doordash is done fer tha night, an’ ya ain’t given Amazon ’nuff time ta lose yer package fer ya. If’n yer relyin’ onna kid’s fantasy ta get ya yer holiday munchies, yer even more far gone than I always thought ya wuz.”

“La la la la laa, dude. Can’t hear ya fer nuthin’. In case ya care, I gotta question.”

“Yeah?”

How far east is easter, dude?

“[…] O … my …”

Well? If’n tha easter bunny shows up like it’s saposed ta, then I’ll know how far away easter is, ennythin’ closer is just ‘east’. Amirite?”

“Dude, that’s … genius!

“Er, why, thanks dude, I didn’t know ya cared …”

“But ya do know where we’re livin’, yeah?”

“A cheap apartment on Long Island?”

Western civilization, dude.”

“[…] I might give ya tha western, dude, but as fer tha civilization, have ya fergotten who tha President is, an’ how he got there?

“Stop tryin’ ta distract me, dude. Yer lookin’ fer easter, ain’t ya mebbe lookin’ in tha wrong direction?

“… uh …”

“Ya look west fer far enough along a sphere, pretty soon yer lookin’ at sumplace east, yeah?”

“That’s eastest, dude. I’d still have ta do some real trekkin’ afore I got ta easter. Prob’ly shorter an’ easier ta go tha way we set out ta go in tha first place.”

“[…] dude?”

“Yeah?”

“Do me an’ you a favor, yeah? Fergit tha easter bunny. Let it do its thing, wit’out ya tryin’ ta butt in. Go ta bed. Get some sleep. Don’t dream a easter, ‘r east, ‘r north by northwest, ‘r enny a that, ah, stuff. Dream a sugarplums ‘r somethin’.”

NO, dude!”

Whut no?”

NO SUGARPLUMS, dude! That’s Christmas! Don’t go there!!”

Posted in Dude and Dude, Holiday, humor, satire | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments

He and She: Bos(s)ing the Boats Around

He and She had a mission to the mainland,  and were sitting at the ferry terminal hoping that the boat would get them off the island ahead of the scheduled power outage and unscheduled thunderstorm …


She: “Don’t tell me the ferry’s late again!”

He: “OK, I won’t.”

She:Argh. So tell me if it’s going to be here when the schedule says it’s supposed to be here.”

He: “App says it’s right on time, should show up in the harbor any minute … y’see? There it is.”

She: “I see it. So why are you staring at your phone like it’s broken?”

He: “I’m regretting missed opportunities.”

She: “Hm?”

He: “We know the ferry system needs to replace its old boats, and is having trouble getting any built, and even getting the old ones fixed. Maybe if the state were to design new boats, with imaginative features and names, and pitch them effectively, citizens would sign on and we could finally get new ferries in the yards and on the water.”

She: “I don’t know about this …”

He: “Do it right, and you can even make connections with the past. Take this boat, for instance. A new one with the same name could be the lead vessel of a whole class. Six new boats! Tell me that the ferry system can’t use six new boats.”

She: “OK. ‘The ferry system can’t use six new boats.'”

He: “Since when?

She: “Since me telling you what you told me to tell you.”

He:Argh. So the first boat is the Yakima.”

She: “And the second …”

He: “The Oxima.”

She: “[…] whut?”

He: “Followed by the Zebuima, the Bisonima, the Gayalima, the Bantengima. If you could get a seventh boat built, it would be the Wisentima. The ferry system would be sitting pretty!”

She: “And its passengers would be sitting smelly!”

He: “I beg your …”

She: “Because this is a load of bull!

He: “[…] Sweetheart?”

She: “Ye – esssss?”

He:Cowabunga!

She: “Hold that thought.”

He: “… okay …?”

She: “If you’re going to get anything like this to work, you’re going to have to engage the heavy hitters. Maybe, for a big enough contribution, they get boats named after them. You know, the Microsoft, the Amazon, the Costco. Get enough big donors to chip in, and you’ll get your new boat class, built, launched, and paid for.”

He: “Yeah?”

She: “The Cash Cow class!”

Posted in Friday Harbor, He and She, humor, satire | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment