Dude and Dude: The Big “D”




“New poster, dude. Can’t drive down tha street noplace wit’out seein’ a bunch ‘a ’em on trucks an’ cars an’ stuff, so I got one fer tha pad.”


“O.K. whut?”

“Not ‘O.K.’ ‘A.K.’ As in, howcum ya didn’t get one wit’ tha pic a tha AK-47 on it?”

“‘Cause it ain’t a AK-47, it’s a AR-15. ‘Cause ‘Murica. An’ I didn’ get one a those ’cause I didn’ feel like shootin’ up taday.”

“Ya mean, shootin’ up bullets?

“Shut up, dude …”

“Ya wish, dude. ‘Cause I gotta question.

“Ain’t they worked out a vaccine fer that yet?

“An’ if’n it costs as much an’ works as little as tha COVID vaccines?”

“Don’ go there …”

“Dude, stop worryin’ ’bout fake news, yeah? They ain’t no real news no more, dig? ‘Specially none that nobody’ll buy. So, what’s a ‘Fend’?

“Say whut?

Whut’s a ‘Fend’? Ya know, ya deBug sumthin’, ya try ta get alla tha bugs outa it. So whut’s this fend ever’body’s tryin’ ta get rid a?”

“They’s tryin’ ta get ya ta take a shower, dude.”

“Riight. Where’m I saposed ta take it?”

“Someplace so’s ya won’t of-FEND so much, dude! Sheesh. Where ‘n how do ya come up wit’ this stuff, huh? They ain’t tryin’ ta get ya ta get rid a anythin’, they’s tryin’ ta get ya ready fer sumthin’. Namely gettin’ ya all riled up an’ ready fer a defense!

“Well, dammit, dude, why didn’t ya jus’ come out an’ say so? Defense Hawaii makes perfect sense. Ya take all tha fences offa island properties and yer done! Though I don’t know how that’s gonna make tha cattle ranchers happy. Ya ain’t got fences, yer gonna get cows tryin’ ta horn in on tha deals at Costco and Walmart. Could mess up traffic.”

“That ain’t tha half a it, dude.”

“It ain’t?”

“Nah. Ya ain’t got no fences, how’re ya gonna keep tha tourists from wanderin’ where they shouldn’t, yeah? Hard ’nuff tryin’ ta keep ’em doin’ whut they should. Didn’t some poet dude write sumthin’ ’bout good fences make good neighbors?

“Only if’n their prices ain’t too high, an’ they ain’t ripped off tha wrong ‘ohana. Dude, I thought you wuz talkin’ ’bout deFENDing Hawaii, not deFUNDing it! So howcum yer haulin’ off on tha tourists all a a sudden? Ya want us ta be livin’ in tents on tha beach?”

“Karma, dude. Afta years a takin’ tha tents away from tha homeless, now they’s puttin’ peeps back in ’em.”

“Includin’ us?!?


“[…] Cute, dude. Cute.”

This entry was posted in current events, Dude and Dude, humor, satire and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.