Dude and Dude: Prize Turkeys

“‘Bout time ya got back from tha store, dude.”

“Gimme a break, dude, I got distracted.”

“Yeah right. Whut wuz her name, an’ how many seconds did she give ya afore she …”

“By this, dude.”

“Jeheezus, dude! Give a dude time ta whip out his sunglasses afore ya try blindin’ him, yeah? Whut tha hell ‘r they tryin’ ta prove?”

“Fall colors?”

“Yeah. Wit’ all that food colorin’, them cupcakes prob’ly taste like dry leaves, too. Ya do remember where we stay?”

“Hawai‘i.”

“Where tha fall colors ‘r ‘xactly tha same as tha colors ever’ otha day a tha year, amirite?”

“Tha tourists’ll be lookin’ for ’em. In tha shops if noplace else.”

What tourists?”

“Tha ones flyin’ in on tha planes so’s that what’s left a tha economy don’t cark an’ what’s left a tha peeps what live here don’ shrivel up an’ blow away like them leaves ya hate so much.”

“Yeah. That‘ll last. Ya ‘member, don’tcha, that OC’s old enuff ta be in tha high risk category fer COVID. Speakin’ a carkin’. An’ if’n he goes …”

“Dude?”

“What?”

“Ya sound like a dude what needs to lighten up an’ be more thankful fer what he’s got, yeah?”

Ack!! Say it ain’t so, dude!”

“… whut?”

“That ya ain’t sold out ta … pumpkin spice?!?”

“Actually, dude, they’s chocolate chip cookies. Big ones.”

“Yeah? Well, OK. But it don’ look like there’s near enough chocolate chips in ’em …”

“Criminy. I manage ta find tha only two Thanksgivin’ type thingies on this whole island, an’ all y’can do ’bout it is bitch.”

Don’ get me started, dude! Not only do half tha peeps we know already have their Christmas trees up, tha ‘hood contests fer tackiest an’ most garish outdoor Christmas displays ‘r a’ready full on! ‘Member how we used ta joke that, one a these days, Christmas would start on Labor Day an’ last at least ’til Super Bowl Sunday?”

“Ain’t fake news no more, yeah, dude? ‘Cept, who knows when Super Bowl Sunday will be?”

“‘R if.”

“Dude! Get ready, tha woorrrrrld is comin’ ta an end!”

“Speakin’ a which. Where’s tha beer?”

“Um …”

“I sent ya ta tha store ta get beer, ya load up wit’ all this orange crap, an’ ya fergot tha beer?!?”

“Ooops.”

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