Amoeba’s Lorica: For A Few Dollars Less

leviticus 19:32aStore Clerk: “Six of these, then, at $2.99 each. Will there be anything else?”

Amoeba: “Nope, that’s it, thank you.”

Store Clerk: “I’ll ring you up then. Let me work out your senior discount …”

Amoeba: “Thank you …”

Amoeba’s Brain: “My what?!? I don’t qualify for no stinkin’ senior discount! That’s for old peeps. And she didn’t even ask! What’s she think she’s looking at, huh? Doesn’t she know that amoebae are immortal??

Amoeba’s Body (unison chorus):NOT!!

Amoeba’s Brain: “Who said that??”

Amoeba’s Body:We did!”

Amoeba’s Knees: “We’re getting damned sick of you throwing us around like we’re figments of your imagination or something, ya feel me?”

Amoeba’s Back:Yeah! Ain’t ya been feelin’ me screamin’ back here?”

Amoeba’s Brain: “Ha. Ha ha. Ha …”

Amoeba’s Back: “Shaddap. Ya think yer so smart. First ya warp me with 20 years of carrying 50-pound golf bags for peanuts. Then ya spend the next three decades torqueing me around all them ridiculous microscopes ya fell in love with. All of which thought “ergonomics” was somethin’ they did in the Physics department on the other side of campus. How much longer did ya think ya could get away with this?!?

Amoeba’s Brain: “Do I have to remind you of the steps for dealing with an Amoeba’s aching back?”

Amoeba’s Back: “Which are …?”

Amoeba’s Brain: “1. Find back …”

Amoeba’s Back: “Right. Ya wanna be real careful how far ya run wit’ that one, amoeba brain.”

Amoeba’s Belly: “And while you’re at it, you just might wish to contemplate how long it’s taken you to put the dome in ‘abdomen’.”

Amoeba’s Knees: “So instead of liftin’ weights at the gym an’ leavin’ ’em there like a body with sense, ya pack tha weights on permanently an’ then expect us ta press tha whole load for like three hours at a time, while you’re doin’ those damned big-band jazz gigs. That time yer leg went numb while ya wuz doin’ tha Beethoven thing? That wuz just a warnin’ a bigger things ta come. Twerp.”

Amoeba’s Brain: “Will you parts quit your bellyaching? A dude just wants to be a dude!”

Dude: “An’ jus’ who d’ya think yer foolin’, OC?”

W.O.L.D.Amoeba’s Brain:Et tu, Dude?

Dude: “Yeah right. An’ how many gray hairs ya gotta earn afore yer old enuff to get that joke, huh? Look, I wuz in tha lab when they put tha radio on, and ya didn’t dig that tha lady lumps song is like ten years old already.”

Dude: “An’ don’ ya dig how old this ‘dude’ schtick is by now? That cartoon kid dude has had zits fer like eighteen years!

Dude: “Ew.”

Amoeba’s Brain: “But you’re only as old as you feel! Right?”

Amoeba’s Back: “Well, I sapose we’re better off with ya havin’ a positive attitude. So long as yer ready ta deal with, ah, certain realities.”

Amoeba’s Eyes: “Speaking of realities … will you pay the lady already?!

Amoeba: “Oh … um … sorry. Here you go.”

Store Clerk: “Senior moment, sir?”

Amoeba: “Yeah. I guess you could say that.”

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5 Responses to Amoeba’s Lorica: For A Few Dollars Less

  1. Nathalie says:

    I like it.

  2. Nathalie says:

    Good stuff.

  3. Karen says:

    Microscopes! Still working with algae or you on to some new oceanography project? Tell Charlene I miss her QQ blog.

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