Amoeba’s Lorica: Smoke Scream

Wednesday morning, 3 AM. The phone beeps.

Hotel Desk Clerk: “[yawn!] Front desk. How may I help you?”

Hotel Guest: “You can help me by sending someone up here and taking this sign out of my room.”

HDC: “Sir?”

HG: “You heard me. I want this sign gone! I will not accept any responsibility for it!”

HDC: “I’m sorry, sir. May I know which sign is disturbing you?”

HG: “The one that says my room is non-smoking, and I pay if smoking occurs!”

HDC: “That is our policy, sir. If you smoke in a non-smoking room …”

HG:I, sir, do not smoke. Disgusting habit. What about the room?!

HDC: ” … whut?”

HG: “You tell me that my room does not smoke. How do I know this? Nowhere in this miserable excuse for a bedchamber do I find so much as a character reference for it, never mind a certified drug test! What assurance do I have that this miscreant cell won’t light up a cigar if I plug in the coffeepot, won’t toke a joint if I try to charge my phone? And must I mention the microwave?? I will not take the fall for the delinquency of this domicile, mister, and I seriously resent the implication that I have to! I want the sign gone!

HDC: “Sir?”


HDC: “What have you been smoking? … hello? … hello?”

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1 Response to Amoeba’s Lorica: Smoke Scream

  1. Quilly says:

    Come home where we understand you. You’re scaring people there.

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