Dude and Dude: Joint Pain

“OK, dude, yer tha one what talks wit’ OC.”

“Yeah? So?”

“So yer tha one what gets ta ‘xplain what he’s on about this time.”

“Yeah? What time is it?”

“‘Bout 7 P… dammit, dude, I don’t mean time time! I mean, like, like … just lookit tha top a tha page willya?”

“‘Joint Pain.’ What about it?”

“Did he pinch himself wit’ tha roach clip ‘r somethin’? Dunno how else it’d hurt. Ya smoke a joint fer tha pain, amirite?”

“He don’ toke, dude, so how would he know?”

“As if ya need ta r’mind me that he’s weird, dude. So what’s tha deal?

I dunno, dude. Maybe he’s puttin’ in a new window in his house ‘r somethin’.”

“Wit’ weed on it?!?”

“Could be a present fer us, yeah? I mean, it’s been more than a decade now since we been surfin’ wit’ him.”

“Where would he get it?”

“Online, a course. ‘R maybe a fave restaurant closed an’ this is a souvenir.”

“They closed a joint fer joints?

“Maybe they wanted ta upscale, dude.”

“Don’ cut it, dude. Anythin’ less likely than OC showin’ up at a bong house, it’s him misspellin’ “pane” as “pain”. Got enny otha bright ideas?”

“So ya need ideas.”

“That’s whut I said!

“Right. What’d they do ta you?

“… whut?”

What did they do ta you? Innocent little idea, walkin’ down tha street mindin’ its own business, an’ you haveta knee it! Ya in trainin’ ta be a goon fer tha Feds ‘r somethin’?”

Not!! They’d make me give up my joints, dude!”

“No they wouldn’t. How could you knee innocent little ideas without them?”

“Wit’out knee joints, I might have a little trouble, like, walkin’, too, dude.”


“‘Zact what ly?”

“‘Zact this ly. Ya ‘member that OC is, like, old now, yeah? So it sounds like his joints are painin’ him.”

“So, like, he needs his knees ta stop bein’ pains?”

“As if either OC ‘r his knees have much ta say ’bout it.”

“Well, ain’t they better figger it out like soon? Afore Uncle Sam tells ’em ‘no you won’t either, not ‘less yer a gazillionaire’, yeah?”

“Not ‘less they got somethin’ they can do ’bout arthritis.”

“‘K, that’s a pain. But ya mean ‘arthleftis’, don’tcha?”


‘Cause they ain’t nothin’ right ’bout it, dude!

“Yeah there is. Tha right knee’s as bad as tha left.”

“So ya need at least two fer joint pain?”

“Yep, an’ only one is a solo pain. Kinda like a dude I know.”


“So at least half a OC is arthrightis. An’ as fer the ‘arthleftis’, ya don’ wanna be givin’ left-handed peeps nothin’ else ta complain about, yeah? They’s happy that the right’s got stuck wit’ this glass-in-tha-joints thing. They don’ want no part a it.”

” … glass .. in .. tha .. joints …”

“Yeah? What ’bout it?”

“So it really is ‘Joint Pane?'”

“[…] Shouldn’t ya be installin’ anotha patch on yer Windows, dude?”

“There’s another one today?!?”

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