Dude and Dude: Dishwasher Unsafe


“What now?

“If’n we’re gonna wash the dishes in the dishwasher, how the hell come we’re washin’ ’em in the sink?

“On ‘count a b’cause we don’t got a dog?

canine pre-rinse dishwasher cycle“Gonna get me one, dude.”

“Yeah, with what? Yer good looks? Couple trees out in tha yard, they got a bark for ya.”

“I’ll thinka somethin’. ‘Cause I sure as hell need a friend now. You don’t count.”

“Do so.”

“Yeah. Ta ten, maybe.”

“I get a lotta practice doin’ that wit’ you around, dude.”

“Can I count on ya answerin’ my question, dude?”

What question?”

How come we gotta wash tha dishes afore we wash tha dishes?!?

“I told ya that already, dude! If’n ya put tha dishes in the dishwasher afore ya scrape tha gunk off, tha gunk gets sprayed, like, on everythin’. An’ then it gets baked on, so it’s there fo’evah. Ya wanna eat off lumpy dishes?”

“Well that’s flippin’ useless. So we ain’t got a dishwasher.”

“Wrong. Matter a fact, ya got two of ’em.”

“Yeah? Where?”

“At the ends a yer arms, dude. An’ each one’s got five fingers.”

“Only need one a them fingers ta tell ya what I’m thinkin’ right now, dude.”

“You? Thinkin’? Alert the media!

Here’s an alert fer ya, dude. If’n it takes us – I’m bein’ nice ta ya with that us, dude, remember that – maybe 15 minutes ta do a load a dishes, while it takes the machine an hour an’ a half to bake gunk on ever’thin’, not ta mention the power fer the machine an’ the hot water what we can’t afford, why don’ we just shut tha machine off an’ leave it off?”

“Can’t do that, dude.”

“Like why not?

“‘Cause if’n we did, the gunk already in tha machine would just get gunkier, an’ it would prob’ly collect bugs ‘n stuff. B’sides, all the gaskets would dry out, so if’n somebody got lazy an’ decided ta run tha thing after all, it would prob’ly spray water an’ soap an’ gunk all over tha place an’ trash tha pad. Ya don’ wanna be spendin’ yer rental deposit, an’ then some, over this kinda stuff. So ya gotta talk to it nice an’ keep feedin’ it.”

“Will it wag its tail if I pet it?”

“Dude. Jus’ be thankful it don’t pee on ya.”


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2 Responses to Dude and Dude: Dishwasher Unsafe

  1. Quilly says:

    LOL! Dudes, you don’t have to wash the dishes. Just give them a quick rinse to get the chunks off, and toss them in the infernal machine. Unless you’re burning things or cooking with glue, that doesn’t take too much time or effort, especially if you clean up as you go along.

    • Amoeba says:

      “Dammit, dude, if this Quilly’s so good at this stuff, why don’t she do it herself?”

      “She is, dude.”

      “Yeah? Well, then, why are we …?”

      “In Vegas, dude.”

      “Well damn, dude, what good does that do us? Why can’t she just come back here?”

      “‘Cause she’s got a job, an’ she wants ta keep it so’s she can eat?

      “Sheesh. Real people got it tough, ya know, dude?”


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