He and She: You Know You Need A Vacay When …

Early one weekday morning in Hawai‘i …

He: “Good morning, love.”

She (still asleep):Aaaagh! Nooooo!!”

He: “Good morning, love!”

She: “Stay away! Or I’ll use the catnip!”

He:Woof! Woof!”

She (finally waking up): “Wha … dogs!”

He:What dogs?”

She: “The ones you’re dogging me with!”

He: “Right. I had to fish you out of whatever well you were in somehow!”

She: “It was a cave. And [shudder] don’t talk about fish!”

He: “Well, cave. It’s time to get up and go to work.”

She: “Don’t want to. No children. No weird children. No caves!”

He: “Your classroom’s not a cave. And your kids …”

She: “It was a cave, I tell you! A cave with a stream of water running through it! And the kids were doing all kinds of things that aren’t allowed in school. Marta was carrying a kitten, for crying out loud!”

He: “OK, at least the poor thing had water, so it wouldn’t go thirsty. That’s good.”

She: “That’s bad! Because the lead teacher called me over and told me in no uncertain terms not to let that kitten drink the water, for any reason! And I told him, there are twenty first graders in here, all running in every possible direction doing weird things, and what army am I supposed to be able to call on to prevent Marta’s kitten from drinking the water??z’

He: “And while you two were arguing …”

She: “You guessed it.”

He: “The kitten drank the water. And turned into a tiger.”

She: “And turned into a toddler! Two years old with claws and fangs, climbing the curtains and hissing at us!”

He: “Wait, what? Your cave has curtains?”

She: “How else are you going to know when the show’s over unless you have curtains to close? And for two-year-old toddler kittens to climb and hiss at you from while Marta’s crying out ‘I love you, Kitty!'”

He: The toddler’s name .. was .. Kitty ..”


He: “OK, now I’m really glad the Christmas vacation begins this weekend. If anyone needs a break from work right now, it’s you!”

She: “Why? Because I’m dreaming about a cave classroom full of screaming kids, with running poisoned water in it that turns their pets, which they shouldn’t have with them in the first place, into monsters?!?”

He: “No. Because this is the first time I know of that one of your bizarre dreams has resorted to such a lame pun. You must be tired, your creativity is slipping. Time for a rest.”

She: “Does that mean I don’t have to go to work today?!?”

He: “Sorry. Two more days before the Christmas break starts.”

She: “Awww …”

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1 Response to He and She: You Know You Need A Vacay When …

  1. Quilly says:

    My body is going to work. The rest of me is pretty much done.

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