Dude and Dude: Second-ary

“OK, dude, what is that?”

White, dude.”

“[facepalm] Tha thing, dude. What’s tha thing?

“It’s an orchid.”

“Sup at this hour a tha night? How can she see anything?”


“Yeah, dude, she. ‘Cause if’n it’s a white guy, it’s all over but tha shoutin’ wit’ ‘im whether ‘r not he gets racked in tha surf he can’t see. Ain’t ya been followin’ tha news lately?!?”

What tha hell ‘r ya talkin’ about??

“What’re ya yellin’ at me fer? Y’re tha one what started talkin’ ’bout oar kids! What ain’t got tha sense ta stay off paddleboards in tha dark!

“They’ve all got student loans, dude, they ain’t got no cents. Nor places ta live neither. Speakin’ a tha news. Not ‘oar kids’, dude, orchids! OC an’ Quilly got a mess a ’em.”

“Not on paddleboards?”

“We’re 500 feet up tha mountain. No paddleboards.”

“Do they gotta pay rent?

“[…] They ain’t people, dude, they’s flowers!

“No way.”


NO WAY! Do you see ’em movin’?”

“… whut?”

“Didn’t think so. They ain’t flowin’ noplace, so how can they be flow-ers, yeah? They must be sitters, amirite?”

“Dude …”


“Dude, ya checked tha calendar taday?”

“Yeah. It’s tha second. What ’bout it?”

“Only this, dude. It’s tha day after tha 1st. April tha 1st. So ya c’n knock off tha foolishness now, yeah?”

“Uh huh. We still got tha same President we did yestaday?”


“An’ tha same Congress?

“Uh huh.”

“An’ tha same stupid tweets an’ ruinous gov’ment policies – if they’s any policy at all?


“An’ we’ve had ’em fer like 18 months an’ ain’t done nuthin’ ’bout it?!?”

“Well, they’s been a few memes. An’ a march here ‘n there …”

“An’ a whole packa peeps crowin’ ’bout tha stock market. Until they got their bloody red Valentines, an’ more ta come. An’ nuthin’ changes. So it’s April Fools Day ev’ry day a tha year. Amirite?”

Dammit, dude …!”


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