Amoeba’s Lorica: Foundering Father

Posted on November 16, 2025 by Amoeba

GEORGE, AmaSoft Commerce Zone (API*): This quiet, somewhat dusty community on the banks of the Columbia River is in an uproar at this hour. Hundreds of trucks clog its streets and parking spaces, each filled with the disassembled mansion and outbuildings of the Mount Vernon Plantation, once the Virginia home of George Washington, first President of the United States of America.

At a hastily-called news conference, the Mayor of George, flanked by the members of the city’s council, read a prepared statement.

The city of George has been granted the privilege of reassembling this historical icon, and preparing it for presentation to the citizenry of our nation as a tourist attraction. We will begin this noble task [ahem] as soon as we have figured out where to put this testament to our shared heritage, and how to operate it. In the meantime, we ask for the patience and forbearance of the citizens of this our city. We promise that it won’t be too long before you, and we, can get our cars out of our driveways.

The Mayor dismissed the gathering without providing any further details about what had happened.

A person with knowledge of the situation, who spoke to API on condition of anonymity, fearing reprisal for speaking to the media without authorization, said:

The first inkling we got about any of this is when railcars filled with the Mount Vernon buildings were delivered to the Intermodal depot in Quincy, and there was a call for trucks to ship the contents to us.

We called the nation’s capital, Trump City, and said, well, what the [redacted]. We got told that His Imperial Highness the Nation’s CEO is doing all that he can to retrieve Our Nation from the calamities it suffered as a dysfunctional republic, and return it to greatness under the strong, autocratic leadership that the Nation’s People demand. He is especially keen to remove all evidence of the existence of persons who modeled and embodied the former, and ultimately proven useless, “no kings” ethos.

A second person, who also spoke to us on condition of anonymity, confirmed the first report. The person added that, while the Nation’s CEO saw no value in retaining the Mount Vernon property at its original site, he was persuaded to see if, by setting it up at a remote location far from the seat of government and the memories of those in government, a location that had a history of reverence for its most well-known owner, it could make any money for his government and, in particular, himself. The district surrounding the city of George would be permitted to retain the name Washington as a marketing ploy, that name having been removed from all other place names and structures in the Nation, including the former “state” jurisdiction now known as the AmaSoft Commerce Zone.

Originally, our contact reported, the reconstructed mansion was to have housed a casino, but the nationwide legalization of all gambling forms, to remove one of the most egregious examples of racial discrimination from the national sphere, meant that the idea no longer had merit.

The mayor of George was heard to mutter, just after the press conference, that at least the Mount Vernon Plantation historical site project meant that the Wanapum Dam enlargement, that would have flooded George and all its neighboring communities to provide power for the AmaSoft Commerce Zone AI data centers, had been cancelled. When asked by API about this, a speaker for AmaSoft said:

The Wanapum Dam project is one of many before us. The power requirements for our AI’s transformation of society are urgent, and compelling. The rate and scope of progress with our activities at Hanford will determine when, and how quickly, Wanapum Dam and other power projects are realized. To communities like George that are in the path of progress, we say, No promises. The needs of AI’s world outweigh the needs of a few people within that world.

This just in: The mayor and council of the city of Mount Vernon, in the AmaSoft Commerce Zone, have lost their jobs in a community reorganization. It was reported that the mayor, having heard about the delivery of the Mount Vernon Plantation buildings to George, asked the government in Trump City why the buildings hadn’t come to the city which had been named after them. In response, DOGE agents occupied the city halls of Mount Vernon and neighboring Burlington, merging both former polities under the name BNSF City, after the railroad that was responsible for the existence of both communities. The government of BNSF City is in the hands of middle managers supplied by the railroad.

*  API: Amoeba Press International. All Fake News. Always. As You Like It.

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Reg and Syd: King Me

Posted on October 20, 2025 by Amoeba

A lot of our friends in the Senate have said that it was just bad optics for Democrats to open the government before the ‘No Kings’ rally. – Kevin Hassett

“Cute.”

“Reg? You can’t be serious! Calling that miserable excuse for artwork ‘hideous’ would be a kindness!”

“Why should I be serious, Syd? They aren’t.”

“Oh?”

“‘Thousands in the streets shouting No Kings.’ So the media tell us. Yes?”

“Yes …”

“A bunch of spoiled brats and poseurs showing off to their homies. And then going back to what they really support in their lives. Hopefully with better skills and application than what they’ve shown here, if they wish to keep the jobs that are paying for their publicity stunts. Do you know what the lead story was about, on the free rag this New York propaganda broadsheet circulates by email every morning, the morning after the marches?”

“I saw it, Reg. It was … baseball.”

“And who owns the baseball teams, and the league they play in?”

“We do.”

“And who owns the media companies that show the games? Who owns the companies that manufacture the hardware on which the games are shown?”

“We do.”

“Do any of us run democracies in our companies?”

“Hell no. We’ve talked about this already, Reginald. We dictate and make profits, or we go bankrupt and we die.”

“In other words, …”

“We are kings!”

“And the little people will have it no other way. Reminds me of when all those little people were in the streets screaming about climate change and what are they going to do about it. How long ago was that, Syd?”

“I shudder to think … more than a decade?!?”

“And what did I say then? I am convinced that, the minute most people see what the rhetoric is actually going to cost them in their daily lives, they’re going to throw the greenies out on their ears. Was I right or was I right?”

“You were right, Reg. And you were correct.”

“Alas that the two aren’t always synonymous, it would make ruling the roost that much easier. But Jimmy Kimmel is still on late night television, and that stands as a warning against our complacency. Kimmel spoke against our interests, and we sidelined him. If that had stimulated prissy marches through town squares, he would still be cooling his heels. But the customers promised direct action against Disney’s profits and people. And, he’s back. With any luck, a little more cautious than he was. He’s welcome to talk baseball if he likes.

“How many times have I said it? What you say means nothing, what you do means everything. Don’t bother me with your empty words. Show me where your feet are going, where your money is going. If the folks who wasted their time scribbling on cardboard spent it refraining from scribbling on checks, and instead of standing in the streets blocking the flow of traffic stayed home and blocked the flow of cash from their cards, we might be in trouble. But we won’t be. Every day and every way, the people who brag to themselves that they want no kings are in fact voting for kings, for us.

“Don’t scream at me that you hate Elon. You love Elon. You bought the Tesla! You’re screaming your frustration on Starlink! Nothing else matters. You abandon these things, or you’ve got nothing to say!

“And these people have no business complaining when they vote in one of us to be the king of the nation. At long last. And in preference to the total dysfunction that stems from democracy, in the government of a nation just like in the government of a business. Bah!”

“Bravo, Reg! Spoken like a man who’s earned a drop of the vine’s finest.”

“I thought you’d never get around to offering, Syd.”

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Amoeba’s Lorica: Meme-ories 71 (That and $5 …)

Posted on October 14, 2025 by Amoeba

… will get you a cup of coffee. Buy now before the price goes up (again).


While Your Friendly Neighborhood Amoeba was doing searches in connection with this post, he found this:
It seemed to be appropriate for the matter at hand.

For the three people left in these Untied States in North America who are prepared to learn what they need to know, and respond accordingly, rather than demanding to hear what they wish to hear. Or else. Dear reader, where is your next paycheck coming from?

Maybe if We the People actually went ahead and banned social media … not to mention installing leaders, in politics and business, who serve Us instead of themselves. But then, We’d have to acknowledge where the Problems that we face, in government, in the workplace, in our living spaces, really lie, and do something constructive about them.

Nah.

Never happen.

Posted in Amoeba's Lorica, current events, humor, Meme-ories, satire, We the People | Tagged | Comments Off on Amoeba’s Lorica: Meme-ories 71 (That and $5 …)