Amoeba’s Lorica: Foundering Father

GEORGE, AmaSoft Commerce Zone (API*): This quiet, somewhat dusty community on the banks of the Columbia River is in an uproar at this hour. Hundreds of trucks clog its streets and parking spaces, each filled with the disassembled mansion and outbuildings of the Mount Vernon Plantation, once the Virginia home of George Washington, first President of the United States of America.

At a hastily-called news conference, the Mayor of George, flanked by the members of the city’s council, read a prepared statement.

The city of George has been granted the privilege of reassembling this historical icon, and preparing it for presentation to the citizenry of our nation as a tourist attraction. We will begin this noble task [ahem] as soon as we have figured out where to put this testament to our shared heritage, and how to operate it. In the meantime, we ask for the patience and forbearance of the citizens of this our city. We promise that it won’t be too long before you, and we, can get our cars out of our driveways.

The Mayor dismissed the gathering without providing any further details about what had happened.

A person with knowledge of the situation, who spoke to API on condition of anonymity, fearing reprisal for speaking to the media without authorization, said:

The first inkling we got about any of this is when railcars filled with the Mount Vernon buildings were delivered to the Intermodal depot in Quincy, and there was a call for trucks to ship the contents to us.

We called the nation’s capital, Trump City, and said, well, what the [redacted]. We got told that His Imperial Highness the Nation’s CEO is doing all that he can to retrieve Our Nation from the calamities it suffered as a dysfunctional republic, and return it to greatness under the strong, autocratic leadership that the Nation’s People demand. He is especially keen to remove all evidence of the existence of persons who modeled and embodied the former, and ultimately proven useless, “no kings” ethos.

A second person, who also spoke to us on condition of anonymity, confirmed the first report. The person added that, while the Nation’s CEO saw no value in retaining the Mount Vernon property at its original site, he was persuaded to see if, by setting it up at a remote location far from the seat of government and the memories of those in government, a location that had a history of reverence for its most well-known owner, it could make any money for his government and, in particular, himself. The district surrounding the city of George would be permitted to retain the name Washington as a marketing ploy, that name having been removed from all other place names and structures in the Nation, including the former “state” jurisdiction now known as the AmaSoft Commerce Zone.

Originally, our contact reported, the reconstructed mansion was to have housed a casino, but the nationwide legalization of all gambling forms, to remove one of the most egregious examples of racial discrimination from the national sphere, meant that the idea no longer had merit.

The mayor of George was heard to mutter, just after the press conference, that at least the Mount Vernon Plantation historical site project meant that the Wanapum Dam enlargement, that would have flooded George and all its neighboring communities to provide power for the AmaSoft Commerce Zone AI data centers, had been cancelled. When asked by API about this, a speaker for AmaSoft said:

The Wanapum Dam project is one of many before us. The power requirements for our AI’s transformation of society are urgent, and compelling. The rate and scope of progress with our activities at Hanford will determine when, and how quickly, Wanapum Dam and other power projects are realized. To communities like George that are in the path of progress, we say, No promises. The needs of AI’s world outweigh the needs of a few people within that world.

This just in: The mayor and council of the city of Mount Vernon, in the AmaSoft Commerce Zone, have lost their jobs in a community reorganization. It was reported that the mayor, having heard about the delivery of the Mount Vernon Plantation buildings to George, asked the government in Trump City why the buildings hadn’t come to the city which had been named after them. In response, DOGE agents occupied the city halls of Mount Vernon and neighboring Burlington, merging both former polities under the name BNSF City, after the railroad that was responsible for the existence of both communities. The government of BNSF City is in the hands of middle managers supplied by the railroad.

*  API: Amoeba Press International. All Fake News. Always. As You Like It.