Reg and Syd: Putting Your Mouth Where The Money Is

Reg's Symbolic Purchase“A brown paper bag, Reg?”

“Ah, yes, Syd. A purchase I just made in town. Makes my heart glad.”

“Well, now I’m curi … Reginald!! You have one of the finest cellars in the Pacific Northwest! What in pluperfect hell are you doing with that plonk?!?

“It’s a trophy, Syd.”

“I didn’t think you’d be drinking that swill. But …?”

“And as with many trophies, it’s not valuable for what it is, but for how I got it. The village store.”


“Remember that ballot initiative that Jeff and Craig got passed in this state last November?”

“The one that closed the state liquor stores and allowed private businesses to sell alcohol? Of course. But I thought, under that law, a business had to have 10,000 square feet of floor space to sell spirits. That village store hardly has 10,000 square inches.”

“As we both know, Syd, where there’s a profit, there’s a way. And would you happen to know what used to be on the shelves from which I procured these bottles?”

“No, I wouldn’t.”

“School supplies.”

“They moved them to another shelf.”

“Not at all, not at all. They’re gone.”

“Well, I’ll be. Did you coach them?”

“No. Miracle of miracles, they worked out what makes money and what doesn’t on their own, and acted accordingly.”

“Another nail in the coffin of the useless ‘public education’ business. And all we did was follow what the people wanted! This would call for a high five, Reg, if it weren’t beneath both of our dignities. Not to mention the capabilities of my arthritic shoulder.”

“As one of the few people in America who can actually afford health care, I should have thought you’d have gotten that fixed by now.”

“Perhaps so. But the physicians are supposed to be smart people, and I’m suspicious. They may have worked out that they can prolong my agony for their profit.”

“A dangerous game, Syd, but I can understand their reasoning. It is, after all, the same as ours. Shall we descend to that cellar that you so generously described, mount this trophy and have the servants fetch us something actually drinkable?”

“I was wondering when you would get around to asking.”

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