“Dude! Did you see that?”
“Of course I didn’t see it, dude. I had my head in the fridge, getting your beer. It’s baseball, y’know. I could go to the fridge six times between plays and miss nothing. And if by some chance something did happen while I was doing something useful, they’ll still be replaying it when I get back.”
“How come everybody’s got instant replays but the umpires? They’re the ones who need it most, the way they keep blowin’ calls. How come they don’t get instant replay?”
“Because they’re not playing a video game?”
“It’s a live game, played by live people. And live people make mistakes. If the ump’s making mistakes deliberately, I wanna know about it. Otherwise, welcome to the human race. You want everything to be perfect, you want to watch a video game. And when that day comes that you can’t tell a video game on your hi-def TV from a real one, I’m goin’ to be real scared. And you should be too.”
“But don’t you want the umpires to get it right?”
“Yeah. Which is why you train them to be super attentive. You tell them that they don’t have to be super attentive, ’cause the Big Umpire In The Sky is watchin’ over them, they start relying on that Big Ump more and more. And pretty soon, they’ll get rid of the humans altogether, and you’ll have robot umpires. And after that, robot players. And, eventually, just virtual players.”
“Football’s got instant replay.”
“Yeah. And what are you watching while they’ve stopped the game to stare at video screens?”
“Um … commercials?”
“Right the first time, dude. The games already last four hours thanks to TV times out, and they need more? The umpires and referees are ‘getting it right’, all right. Right out of our pockets.”
– O Ceallaigh
Copyright © 2009 Felloffatruck Publications. All wrongs deplored.
All opinions are mine as a private citizen.