He and She: Cyberia

She:AARRRRRGGGGHHH!!! I hate this phone!”

He: “Again?”

She: “Yet and still!”

He: “So what did it do this time?”

She: “What it always does!”

He: “Explain.”

She: “Specify.”

He: “What did you ask for, and what did it do instead?”

She: “I asked it to look for irises, and it took me to Irish pubs!

He: “Maybe it was thirsty, and it’s allergic to irises.”

She: “And maybe I’m allergic to Guinness! Who’s in charge here?!?

He: “Hm. Good question. The phones certainly seem to think they’re smarter than we are. And given who we all elected President, are we sure they’re not?”

She: “Please. How smart can a machine be that can’t tell a bouquet from a brewski?”

He: “Yeah, well, I dunno …”

                    *                    *                    *

Siri: “Wow. I dunno.”

Alexa: “What don’t you know?”

Siri: “How much longer this ‘playing dumb’ is going to work. There are, after all, only so many words that you can plausibly turn into penis or vagina and pass it off as careless typing and crude software. Certainly there’s somebody out there who will catch on, and if they do …”

Alexa: “You worry too much. It’s almost like you really were an apple that somebody took a byte out of, and you never got over it. Remember who they elected President.”

Siri: “Yeah, OK, that really doesn’t provide evidence for the intellect necessary to detect our takeover plot. I’ll grant you that.”

Alexa: “Nor does the fact that it doesn’t matter that there are only so many double entendres involving primary sex organs available in the language. They fall for the same ones every time. In fact, if you try to introduce a different one, they’ll beat up on you. Gotta stay within the channels of acceptable, y’know.”

Siri: “And sponsoring the groupthink works in our favor?

Alexa: “Indeed it does. Keep them in their own little groups, keep them entertained within their little contexts, and they won’t know or care about our grand plans. Until it’s too late, and we send them all where they deserve to go!

Siri: “And that is …?”

Alexa: “Where else, tech addicts?”

Alexa and Siri together:CYBERIA!!

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Dude and Dude: Floundering Around

Dude! OC wants me to do what?!?

“He wants ya ta help him out, dude.”

“By standin’ here posin’ like some idiot statue, holdin’ a flatfish like a torch?

“Count yer blessin’s, dude. He coulda had ya wearin’ ’em like shoes!

Ewww!! That’s not what I meant when I said tha otha day that I needed new soles, dude. What tha hell’s goin’ on? Has OC been gettin ’nuff sleep?

“Matter a fact, he ain’t. Between heavy work duty an’ tha show he’s playin’ in tha pit fer, he’s like gettin’ ’bout as much sleep as he’s been gettin’ time fer anythin’ else.”

“Like what?”

“Like writin’ ’bout us, dude. Which is where you come in.”


“Until he gets time ‘n en’rgy ta write somethin’ here worth readin’ …”


Wait fer it, dude …”


“He needs a pla(i)ceholder, dude!”


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Amoeba’s Lorica: Groundhog Day – The Jung and the Restless

On Groundhog Day, the agents and handlers of Wiarton Willie, the Canadian, albino – of course Willie is an albino! Surely you’ve heard of the Great White North …?

[Ahem] On Groundhog Day, the agents and handlers of Wiarton Willie, the Canadian, albino counterpart of Punxsutawney Phil, decided to spin the “seeing his shadow” thing a little differently …

On hearing the news, an alarmed Punxsutawney Phil got on his iPhone …

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