“Not happy, dude.”
“Ya ain’t nevah been Happy, dude! If’n ya ain’t wantin’ ta be Dude no more, that gives ya, like, only six more choices. I vote fer Dopey.”
“Not since ya smoked tha last a our stash, dude!”
“Grumpy, then.”
“Well, yEAh! An’ on top a that, speakin’ a smoke, ya seen tha weather reports lately?”
“What about ’em?”
“Dude comes ta Hawai‘i fer tha clear blue sky, yeah? Yeah right! Haze taday, haze tanight, haze tamorra, haze like ferevah!”
“Sorry it ain’t purple, dude. Might make it more interestin’ fer ya.”
“I don’ give a flyin’ fickle what color it is, dude! Don’t this place know there’re laws ‘gainst hazin’??”
“[…] Take it up wit’ tha judge, dude.”
“Ya wanna see me inna suit that bad, dude?”
“Make sure it’s well filed.”
“Hoookay. This judge. Where does I find him?”
“Try tha crater a tha volcano. An’ it ain’t a him, it’s a her. So go ‘head, but I don’ like yer chances ’cause she ain’t no more likely ta give ya tha time a day than any otha chick. ‘Specially on ‘count a because she don’t give it ta nobody else neither. ‘Less she happens ta be in a good mood that minute.”
“What? This judge think she’s a god ‘r somethin’?”
“That’s ’bout right.”
“An’ her holiness has a name?”
“Pele.”
“Pele?”
“Pele.”
“We got a superchick in America named Pele??”
“So long as Hawai‘i is part a America, yeah …?”
“Well cool! No wonder we won the women’s world cup a soccer!”
“Yeah. But be careful a her celebrations, yeah?”
“Yeah?”
“She’ll be burnin’ down tha house, dude.”
But I hear Pele is hot. Dudes gotta like that.
“Yeah, she’s hot. But, look don’ touch, right, dude?”
“Lookin’s bad ’nuff, dude. She sees you lookin’, ya’ll feel tha burn.”
“Same as you, dude!“
I brought some lava home from there. It had a very pretty plant in it. I was told that taking lava from the island was bad luck, and lookie here, we’re having strange weather. Pele is angry.