He and She: Malled

She: “Here’s your breakfast. rrRR!”

He: “Thanks. I think. You have a problem?

She: “You’re lucky I’m even talking to you!”

He: “It’s the crack of dawn and I’m in trouble already?

She:What were you thinking?!? Leaving me in the parking lot of the shopping mall like that??”

He:What shopp …? Oh great. This again. How many times have I told you, I have nothing to do with what goes on in your dr …”

She: “It was a huge shopping mall. On this island! I don’t know how it got here, but there we were!”

He: “Who’s we?”

She: “Me and my crazy friend Merrie. We were there for hours, on all three floors of the mall! Shopping, shopping, shopping. We knew where we’d parked the car, ’cause on one side of the entrance was Merrie’s Monkey Business, and on the other, Quilly’s Nut House.”

He: “Truth in advertising, for once.”

She:You be nice! So we get to the curb with our packages, and the groceries, ’cause that’s the last place we went to, and then you show up. And you say, ‘since we’re all here anyway, let’s go to lunch’!”

He: “And for this I’m in the doghouse?

She:Yes!! Because, after lunch, you load the packages into your car and then drive back to work!

He: “This is bad how?

She: “Because you also drove off with my purse, and my phone, and my car keys!! Leaving me and the groceries stuck on the curb.”

He: “And I presume that you bought ice cream along with the rest of the groceries.”

She: “Of course.”

He: “Then for sure it wasn’t me.”

She: “Sure looked and sounded like you.”

He: “Bull. I would never have left the ice cream behind to melt!

She:!!!!

He: “Well …?”

She:Well! I figured you’d try to call when you left work and would be heading home, expecting dinner to be waiting for you. And you’d call, and my phone would ring in the back of your car, and then maybe you’d think of me. So there I sit, and it’s getting dark, and the looters show up!”

He: “The looters …?

She: “The looters. They’d come up to a car, pull this tent over it, work work work, then take the tent off and only the frame of the car would be left. Then they’d go to the next car, same same.”

He: “But where did all the stuff go?”

She: “Who knows? Maybe they’d stolen a Perkins’s tent from Hogwarts. They didn’t tell me, and I didn’t ask them.”

He: “Why didn’t you ask them, huh? This is your dream, after all. They want to horn in on it, they need to explain themselves.”

She: “Are you kidding? I was terrified that they’d see me and stuff me under that tent! So you finally show up, and you can’t find me because I’m hiding and not on the curb where you left me, and my car is under the tent, and, and …”

He: “And …?”

She: “And then I woke up. You left me! What were you thinking?!?

He: “How the hell should I know? I wasn’t there!

She: “And you said you’d always be there for me.”

He: “And I will. When I have anything to say about it!”

This entry was posted in He and She, humor and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to He and She: Malled

  1. Quilly says:

    He’ll need to be really careful while eating your ice scream tonight, she said.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.