Dude and Dude: Mmm Peachy

“Dude?”

“Yeah?”

“Wonder how long it’ll take ‘fer Trump is impeached like ever’body’s callin’ fer.”

“Ain’t gonna happen, dude.”

“‘N why not?”

“Wrong color.”

“… whut?”

“C’mon, dude, y’wuz watchin’ tha same Youtube I wuz. Ya know what kinda makeup he wuz wearin’ durin’ tha election campaign! Would ya call that peach?

“Yeah-a-ummm, more like apricot. Kinda.”

“So how can he get impeached? If ennythin’, he’s gonna get imapricoted, amirite?”

“Dude …”

“‘Course he ain’t wearin’ it no more, guess he thinks it’s kinda funny-lookin’ on a Presadent a tha Untited States ‘r somethin’. But ya aks me, he should oughta be wearin’ it. When he don’t, he looks kinda washed out.”

“Don’tcha mean ‘washed up’??

“Ya wish, dude.”

“Dam straight. Any color ya like is jus’ peachy wit’ me, so long as it gets Trump’s donkey impeached!

“Hm. So when didya start followin’ tha alt-right crowd, huh dude?”

Whut?!? Where tha hell ya get that idea??”

“From them. An’ you! As if ya didn’t know whut they’ve been doin’ ever since 2008.”

“What wuz that? Provin’ that zombies ‘re real?”

“Yellin’ Impeach Obama! So now that tha shoe’s on tha otha foot … how’re we diff’rent from them, yeah?”

“B’cause they’re nuts an’ we ain’t?”

“Sez who?”

“Sez … Dammit, dude, d’ya havta be a jerk alla tha time? Ya gonna call out yer mom for hollerin’ Impeach Bush?

“‘R yers for screamin’ Impeach Clinton?”

“They DID impeach Clinton, dude!! An’ he earned it, too!”

“He balanced tha budget, dude.”

“On Lewinsky’s dress? Didn’t cut no more ice wit’ peeps than Nixon gettin’ China ta back off an’ start talkin’ wit’ us. He still messed ’round wit’ them water gates. Whatever they are.”

“Dammit, dude, don’tcha get what this means?!?

“A whole mess a peach cobbler?

Close, dude. Ya fruitcake! It means half a us has been, like, yellin’ at tha otha half a us ta impeach somebody all day ever’ day fer like tha last twenty-five years! An’ fer all I know, if’n I’d been ’round ta hear it, fer tha last forty-five!! Ain’t peeps, like, tired a all this by now?”

“Like, no.”

What ‘no’?”

“B’cause, this time it’s fer real, yeah?”

“Yeah right. Jus’ like tha last time, an’ tha time b’fore that, an’ tha time b’fore that, an’ yadayadayada. So tell me ya don’ r’member Ms Grubber.”

“‘I don’ r’member …’ no wait, yeah I do. Kindergarten, yeah? What she got ta do wit’ nothin’?”

“Only tha story she read ta us, over an’ over an’ over an’ …”

“Which one wuz that?

“‘Tha Boy What Cried Wolf!’ Dude.”

“Dude?”

“Yeah?”

D’ya havta be a jerk alla tha time?!?

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