Dude and Dude: Fee Lyin’

“Here, kitty, kitty …”

“[…] Whut?”

“I ain’t talkin’ ta you, dude. Here, kitty …”

“Needs mo’ orange, dude.”

“[…]Whut?

“Uh uh, no fair, I used that line first. Come up wit’ yer own.”

“I don’ need no line, dude, I need a rope. Fer yer neck! What is yer problem?

Me?!? Yo, dude, I ain’t tha dude what’s been callin’ out ‘here, kitty’ ta empty space for tha last three hours. An’ I’m tellin’ ya, it needs mo’ orange!

What does?!?”

“Yer makeup, dude. Ya gonna try talkin’ up chicks like tha Presadent a tha United States, ya gotta look tha part, yeah?”

“Riiiight. I’m gonna do that, I’m gonna need somethin’ else too, and ya gotta help me out wit’ it.”

“I don’t do combovers, dude.”

“Wouldn’ trust ya wit’ one if ya said ya did, dude. Nah, I want ya ta go inta yer bedroom an’ gimme yer wallet.”

“My wallet?!?

“Yeah. Tha one wit’ tha couple billion bucks innit.”

“Riiiiiight.”

“Hey. Yer tha one who, like, wants me ta look tha part.”

“I told ya. I don’ do combovers!!

“Is that yer partin’ shot, dude?”

“Ya c’n get shot down by tha chicks all by yerself, dude.”

What chicks?”

“Tha ones ya been callin’ out tha last three hours!”

Chill, dude. I ain’t been callin’ chicks. I been callin’ a cat!

“A cat?!? Y’mean, like, wit’ a tail an’ fur an’ claws an’ meows an’ stuff like that? Since when do ya have a cat?

“Since like I took a gig cat-sittin’. Speakin’ a bucks.”

“Cat runnin’, ya mean. Judgin’ from all tha runnin’ ’round ya been doin’ this aftanoon lookin’ fer tha thing, there ain’t no sit-down ta this job.”

“‘Specially if’n I lose tha damned animal like on tha first day!

“Yeah, that would suck.”

Rocks, dude. I gotta figger out where this glorified hairball is hidin’, an’ soon.”

“So’s ya c’n get it ta come out?

“So’s I can get in wit’ it! Any hidin’ place what’s that good is good ’nuff fer me ta duck inta, any time some dude wants me ta adult, ta be (jeez!) responsable ‘r somethin’.”

Not responsible! Park an’ lock it!”

“Say what?!? You got a locket? You tha dude what’s been lecturin’ me ’bout chicks all this time?!? What’cha got ta tell me, dude, huh, huh?!?”

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