Dude and Dude: And All Dude Got Was …

given human“It is?

“It what is, dude?”

“It that is. Dude.”

Dude, it’s nearly midnight. I ain’t intarested in gettin’ inta a beef wit’ ya ’bout what is is.”

“Why not? Clinton was.”

“Wrong Clinton, dude. An’ way b’fore yer time. Now are ya goin’ ta tell me what’yer on about, ‘r do I haveta give ya a shot a somethin’?”

“Make it a double.”

“Hokay. Pick two.”

“Yeah right. What kinda stooge d’ya think I look like?”

“Bald?”

“Bett’r than that bowl cut you’ve got!”

“I oughta give ya a …”

That’s just it!

What’s just it??”

“The given thing! Up at tha top a tha page! Ya’ve wasted so much breath and space, maybe yer far ’nuff away so’s ya c’n see it now. Dude.”

“‘Bein’ human is a given.’ Yeah?”

Who’s givin’ it?!?

“[…] Tha Flyin’ Spaghetti Monster ‘r somethin’. I dunno, dude! It just is.”

“So ya do wanna argue ’bout what is is.”

Not.

“‘R maybe who is is?”

“… whut?”

“Ya heard me. How many peeps ya know named Hugh, huh? If this thing’s a given, like it says up there, then ever’body’s named Hughman. An’ that’s gonna get confusin’. Like right now.”

“Dude …”

“Ya think Debbie an’ Ellen ‘r givin’ ya grief taday, wait’ll ya tell ’em they gotta answer ta Hughman frum now on, yeah?”

“So ya got a better idea?”

“Well, Prince ain’t usin’ that curlicue thingy no more.”

“Yeah, he’s a little past worryin’ ’bout it now. How do you pronounce it?”

“Same way ya pronounce ‘pwn’.”

“But …”

‘Zactly! ‘Curlicue thingy’ works fer me. You?”

“Not very well, dude.”

“As if anythin’ does, dude! Ya can’t say nothin’ no more wit’out it pissin’ somebody off. Always tha same noise. ‘Yer just playin’ power games wit’ me!'”

“Same as you, dude.”

“Whatever!! Maybe if’n we all just talked in smileys an’ curlicue thingys, we could get somethin’ communicated wit’out offendin’ peeps alla tha time.”

“Dunno, dude. Peeps’ve been usin’ curlicue thingys in yer face since there was faces.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Oh, the humanity.”

Git yer filthy mitts outa my T-shirt stash! I spend all day washin’ an’ foldin’ them thingys! Go wash yer own stuff! Sheesh!”

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