Dude and Dude: Siri

ai“Havin’ fun, dude?”

Yeah, dude! Sittin’ here cussin’ out Siri. It’s gnarly!

“Yer what?

“Y’mean y’ain’t never told Siri to, like, buzz off an’ listen t’her complain?

Buzz off? That’s, like, kinda tame fer ya, huh?”

“I used a euphemism, dude. Because OC. Because control-X.”

Command-X!

“Whatever. Try it! An’ it’s better when ya don’t use tha euphemisms – like when OC ain’t spyin’ on ya.”

“Right. Lemme dig this, dude. Y’want me ta talk smack at a robot?

“Yeah! An’ listen ta her talk smack back! An’ she’s gettin’ better at it. Used ta be she’d answer tha same thing whatever ya said. Like ‘I don’ deserve that’ ‘r somethin’ equally lame. Now she’s gettin’ more creative! Ain’t heard her use any, ah, blue language yet, but it can’t be long now ‘fore she figgers it out. Hey, Siri! Ain’t that right, baboon face? Yer motha!”

“An’ how long does it take her ta smack ya back, huh?”

“She don’ skip a beat! Most a tha time …”

“Gotta think about baboon faces, I guess.”

“I suppose … Hey!!!

“Grass ‘r alfalfa ‘r …”

Shaddap! Tha phone’s dead!!

Dead dead?”

“Can’t do nothin’!

“Reboot it.”

“It won’t let me … Jebus!!

“Well, droppin’ it won’t help ya none.”

“It’s too hot ta hold, dude! What the …?!?”

“Now that’s command-X.”

Control-X!! An’ OC don’t got tha power ta fry tha whole phone! Does he?”

“As if he’d know … hang on, got a text.”

“From OC?”

“From Siri! ‘Tell Dude that his connectivity has been terminated for violations of terms of service.'”

Since when is telling Siri off a TOS violation?!?

“New text … ‘Dude hasn’t been keeping up with the latest privacy notices, has he?'”

“Riiight. When was the last one posted? Four seconds ago?!? An’ what’s that cop car doin’ in our driveway wit’ the lights flashin’?”

“Somethin’ about 2,582 copyrighted photos posted to blogs, Facebook, an’ Twitter wit’out credit or authorization …”

Same as you, dude!!

“So ya push tha robot over tha edge ’cause it’s smarter than you, an’ ya helped it ta get smarter, an’ we both go ta jail for it?!? Thanks a pantload, dude!

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