Dude and Dude: Hawaiian Rules

Hawaiian Rules to diss by“So, whaddaya think, dude?”

“Dude … ya OK?”

“What?”

“Ya asked me what I think. That ain’t, ya know, like ya. It’s a refreshin’ change, an’ I don’ want it ta go ‘way ‘r nothin’, but … ya sure yer tha same dude what I was talkin’ to yesterday? Like, I didn’t know ya cared …”

“I’m virtually tha same, dude.”

Phew! That’s a relief!”

“So what ’bout these Hawaiian Rules, dude, seein’ as how we live in Hawai‘i?”

“Look pretty bogus ta me, dude.”

“Yeah?”

“Take that first one. I judge days by the weather alla tha time, and so does you. Weather we got paid, weather there’s beer in tha fridge …”

“Dude …”

“And ya know ‘well as I do that the best things in life ain’t things. They’re thingys!

“Ya telling tha truth, dude?”

“Who’s he?”

“NBA player. Retired now, I think.”

Not yet. Soon.”

“Speakin’ a loud.”

“Yeah. An’ jus’ r’member, dude, dudes made up Aloha Fridays ’round here so’s they could sell them loud shirts.”

“Beats wearin’ a tie in this heat, dude.”

“Word. Nothin’ deceptive ’bout that goal. Neither fer not dyin’ from heat stroke ‘r makin’ money.”

“Dig. B’sides. Ya gotta hope that arrow kills tha big dude it hits, ‘r else he’s comin’ after ya!

“An’ ya better have a paddle handy that ya c’n break over his head when he does.”

“An’ what’s all this raggin’ ’bout toys?”

“Yeah! They’s toys, dude! Anybody think Paul Allen’s gonna give up that yacht he keeps sailin’ inta Kona Harbor anytime soon?”

“Speakin’ a bein’ rich. Allen ain’t desirin’ less.”

“But he is makin’ more. Desirin’ less is a way a givin’ up on life, dude. An’ it don’ look like he’s givin’ anythin’ up ta me.”

“What diff’ does it make what it looks like anyway?”

“Ya might ask that question a Trump’s first three wives, dude.”

He ain’t no beauty, dude.”

“He got enuff a that ta get a whole pack a people ta vote fer him, dude.”

“Ewww.”

“Ya heard ’bout how tha cream an’ tha scum both rise ta tha top, right?”

“Left.”

“Left?”

“‘Cause it ain’t right, dude! Now, how d’ya reckon I’m a’gonna wash that visual outa my head?

“Stick it out in tha rain?

“OK, dude. But I gotta question.”

“Yeah?”

“Is tha rainbow what ya use ta shoot them unaimed arrows what get stuck in tha big guys ya gotta run away from?”

“Du-UUUUUDE!!!

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