He and She: Banzai Grandmother

asian grandmother robot face viewShe: “It’s all your fault!”

He: “… again?”

She: “Yes. Again. You and your banzai Asian grandmother. And yes I had taken my shoes off!

He: “My .. banzai .. grandmother .. OK. What did I do this time while I wasn’t looking?”

She: “You wanted one for the greenhouse!

He: “We have a greenhouse? In this climate? Not to mention this housing market?!?

She: “We had a greenhouse. You loved it. ‘An Asian grandmother would really help with the chores in here’, you said. And I love you! So I went out and bought one!”

He:You … bought one?!?

She: “They were all the rage! Everybody had one! Reasonable prices, too!”

He:What in the bloody hell kind of …??

She: “Batteries included!”

He: “… a bot. An Asian grandmother robot!

She: “Of course! What did you think I was talking about? And you were so happy that I bought the bot. She went around, checking all the pots and making sure their water levels were just right. And you pottered around, talking to the plants, and they didn’t talk back, and it was so peaceful and so beautiful. Until …”

He: “‘Until’. Why am I not surprised …”

She: “Until it was Chinese New Year.”

He: “And the bots all turned into fireworks?

She: “That would have been better. No, they were all possessed by Chinese demons. All of them. All at once. And they all ran amok!

He: “Not one of the manufacturers scanned the cloudware for the chinese_demon.exe file? What they get for contracting with Microsoft …”

She: “She trashed the greenhouse …”

He: “… that explains that …”

She: “… and was ripping up everything and everyone she could reach. I called 911, and they told me ‘Lady, everybody’s got this problem right now! Take her batteries out!'”

He: “Wait, let me guess. You tell me this, and I shout back ‘This thing’s coming after me with a rake in one hand and a shard of window glass in the other, and you want me to take its batteries out?!? Me and what army??'”

She: “And then, when she’d finished with you, she came after me! And then …”

He: “… and then you woke up?”

She: “Well, yeah! You don’t see any tractor treads running up over my boo …”

He: “No I don’t. What did you have for dinner last night?”

She: “What? Why?”

He: “‘Cause I reckon we’ve got choices. Either we figure out what you ate and never feed it to you again, or we figure it out, feed it to you every night, write down the results and sell them on eBay or something. Yeah?”

She: “I’ll think about it …”

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One Response to He and She: Banzai Grandmother

  1. Nathalie says:

    Pretty darn funny.

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