Dude and Dude: Boyz in da Valleys

36.1128, -115.0626; elevation 519 m
“Like wow, dude! Shiny!”

“Yeah, dude. Loud too … did you just say ‘like, wow’?”

“Yeah, dude, I did. Y’c’n shoot me later. Right now, dig the bells an’ whistles!”

“Them slots got all of ’em, I’ll grant ya that.”

“Didn’t I see online someplace that casino means ‘little house’?”

“Yah, ya did.”

“Y’wanna clue me in on what’s little ’bout this place?!”

“‘Smatta, dude, nine stories coverin’ three city blocks ‘r more floor than ya wanna try vacuumin’?”

“Dunno, dude, ya think two hours a vacuumin’ would buy us a room?”

“They wouldn’t let ya near tha vacuum, dude. Even if’n ya spoke Spanish, which ya don’t. As fer rentin’ tha room …”

“Did’cha look at tha room rates, dude? I’ve seen lots worse prices fer slimier digs.”

“That’s ’cause they wanna get’cha in the door so’s they can get ya playin’ tha games.”

“So I’ll take tha room an’ won’ play tha gaMMMMFFFMMFFM!!”

“Pipe down, dude, they’ll hear ya!”

“Keep yer mitts offa my mouth, ‘r they’ll be hearin’ you scream. Sheesh. B’sides. I ain’t got a pipe, ya made me leave it home! What is yer problem??”

“Ya mean b’sides weed not bein’ legal here, dummy? Ya see that big dude in tha black suit over there?”

“The one wit’ tha shades?”

“Yeah, him. He finds out yer staying at the hotel but ya ain’t feedin’ the slots ‘r somethin’, he grabs ya, sits ya down and makes ya. An’ he finds out what’s in yer wallet an’ makes ya spend it all!”

“Is that fer real, dude?”

“Look, dude, where ya think they’re gettin’ tha money fer all them flashers an’ clangers, huh? It ain’t charity, I’ll clue ya. Got any idea what teachers make ’round here?”

“About as much as the folk pushin’ the vacuums?”

“Maybe, if they’re lucky.”

“That don’t make a lotta sense, dude.”

“It don’ make a lotta dollars either. The dealers got ’em all beat.”

“They got dealers here?”

“Thousands of ’em.”

“Then why’d ya make me leave the pipe at home, dude?!?”

“I told ya that already! Willya listen, fer once?”

“Alrightalright. Fine. We’re here. We got tha T-shirt. Can we go home now?”