Tax Day

Dude and Dude

“So, dude, this dude walks up to me an’ asks ‘Have you filed yet?'”

“An’ you said …?”

“I said, like, ‘What, dude? Have I broken a fingernail or somethin’?'”

“Du-uuude!

“Funny, he said somethin’ like that. ‘Yeah, yeah, swish swish.'”

“Uh huh.”

“Then he goes, ‘So what part of income tax don’t you understand?'”

“That’s easy. Income!”

“Word. What I don’t get is, if you ain’t got income, how come ya gotta do all the paperwork anyway?

“Same answer, dude.”

“Yeah?”

Somebody’s gotta read all them forms. And they ain’t gonna work fer free. Especially they ain’t gonna work for the gummint fer free.”

“Dude?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re so smart …”

TSA Jack

“Hi, Ja … Jeez! Leggo!

“No jokes on duty, dammit, Mario. Capisce?

“I didn’t know you spoke Italian.”

“I speak knuckle sandwich too. Shall I demonstrate?”

“Ah, no, I’ll take your word for it. Especially today. I hate this day worse than all the others. It’s no wonder you’re edgy.”

“Me? Nah. We got procedures. We follow ’em. No reason to be concerned.”

“Yeah? But they got Al Capone on tax evasion, when they couldn’t get him on his rackets. What about our …”

“Capone was a rookie. We know better. Relax.”

“OK, Jack …”

But no jokes on duty!

Screwtape The Third

“Have you got a report on our Mr. Capone, Wormsap?”

“Troublesome as usual, sir. He keeps trying to boss his unit, which is one of the largest in the Estates. He doesn’t like our rules and regulations, and he doesn’t get that, around here, just about everybody is a stoolie.”

“His punishment?”

“Assignment to our internal revenue office, where he has to process forms. With, of course, all of our corporate rules of conduct in full force. That does tend to keep him contained for awhile. He hates the work, and he hates the memories associated with the work.”

“I trust you’re continuing to funnel demons into those same offices topside.”

“Of course. Taxes, all aspects of ’em including setting, prosecuting, and, naturally, evading, are our biggest source of contracts.”

“Attaboy, Wormsap.”

Reg and Syd

“So, Reg, this fellow walks up to me and asks, ‘Have you filed yet?'”

“Was he carrying a picket sign?”

“As if I would have spoken with him if he were. I said ‘Filed?’ And he said ‘Yes, filed. It’s tax day. What part of income tax don’t you understand?'”

“That’s easy. Income!”

Taxable income, anyway.”

“Some people just don’t get it, do they, Syd? Shall we go down to the bar?”

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