Reg and Syd: Keepers of the ClimateGate

“Hm. I guess we’ll have to be more careful how we publicize our meetings in the future.”

“Oh? What makes you think so, Syd?”

“Some journalist down in Australia apparently found out, from a Twitter posting, about a meeting where some of us discussed how to increase our market influence by investing in media companies. And he’s chirping about it.”

“I’m not surprised about the chirping. Hanging upside down all the time like they do Down Under does strange things to your head. Still, that was careless on Monckie’s part.”

“Monckie’s?”

“Ah yes, I forget. Lord Monckie.”

“He won’t like that, Reg.”

“And he’s going to find out about it here? Not likely. It’s not like he’s done anything wrong. In fact, it’s the only thing he can do.”

“You’re thinking of the Henry Ford case, a century ago?”

“Precisely. When the Dodge brothers and other shareholders sued the Ford company to recover dividends lost because Henry boosted wages for his workers and slashed prices on his cars, thus cutting profits. Ford tried to argue “social responsibility”, but the courts said forget that, the business of business is profit, and you deliberately reduce profits at your legal and professional peril. Of course, the matter cut much deeper than that, but the principle that came out of it remains. As a corporate leader, you must do all that you can to maximize profits for your company, and especially for your shareholders. Which is exactly what Monk … er, Lord Monckton was doing. And is exactly what we do on a daily basis.”

“You don’t fear a backlash?”

“From whom, Syd? A pack of white coats who think they can do hip-hop? The new ‘privacy’ policies we’re putting into place at YouTube, Google, and all, will soon put a stop to that kind of nonsense. Not that it matters anyway. You know as well as I do how we make money.”

“By giving customers what they want?”

“Precisely. And no amount of skulduggery on our part will save us if we don’t do that. Even the Chinese so-called Communists have figured that much out. And what do our customers want?”

“In America? Basically conveniences, toys, entertainment. And the energy to run them all.”

“And what is the message of those white coats?”

That you can’t have any of this stuff, because it’s hurting the planet.”

Precisely! Remember the last time we went by a lab of scientists that worked on climate change. What do you see in the parking lot?”

“Cars.”

“Bicycles?”

“Not many.”

“Walkers?”

“Maybe a couple.”

“Indeed. Not only are they telling people to do things that they don’t want to do, they can’t do them themselves! We have nothing to fear from them. Just ask that guy who preached about climate change while ignoring what the people wanted, and got himself thrown out of the Presidency of the Maldive Islands for his trouble. And the voters in most states are helping us to squeeze the white coats out of universities and laboratories. Except for the ones we own, of course.”

“So we keep giving the people what they want, for their profit and ours. Eh?”

“Just so.”

“You don’t have any Greek friends, do you, Reg?”

“Sydney. Don’t be unworthy.”

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3 Responses to Reg and Syd: Keepers of the ClimateGate

  1. Doug says:

    Indeed, Syd.

  2. Quilly says:

    Why is it nobody ever wonders who suffers the loss in “profit and loss”?

  3. Doug says:

    By the way, I like the pun in the title which I just got.

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