Dude On A Hot Tin Blog

“So, dude, what’s the weather?”

“Hot.”

Hot?! Y’wanna come over to this window and explain this frost here?”

No, dude, y’wanna come over to this window and see how hot the weather’s been everywhere this year.”

“Dude, I don’t care about this global warmin’ stuff. All I wanna know is whether I need my hat with the ear flaps or not this mornin’.”

“But, dude! The data!

“Data, shmata. All I see is preachin’ about how the planet’s gonna fry on a site that sells frickin’ RVs! So much for practicin’ what they preach.”

“But isn’t scientific data supposed to be tellin’ the truth? No bias, no politics?”

“Dude?”

“Yeah?”

“You idiot! That idea only works if, A, you have all the money you need and, B, you’re not producin’ data that’s gonna do anythin’ to affect A. Charles Darwin made his money by pickin’ the right parents and the right wife, and he worked in an area that had nothin’ to do with how his parents and his wife made the money he was livin’ on, which was mostly makin’ dishes ‘n stuff. He could afford to be ‘unbiased’. That’s why Thomas Jefferson wanted nobody but rich landowners havin’ anythin’ to do with runnin’ the USA. Rich landowners could be ‘unbiased’ b’cause they had all the money they needed, and runnin’ the US government had nothin’ to do with how they made their money. Especially since there was no way they were gonna pass taxes on rich landowners. The minute you got professionals who depend on the data they peddle for their mortgage money, you’re gonna have bias.”

“The scientists ain’t gonna wanna hear that. Especially not OC. You do remember the delete key, don’tcha?”

“I don’t care, dude. The global warmin’ scientists wanna run around preachin’ planetary doom, and they believe what they preach, they better start showin’ up in nothin’ but sackcloth an’ ashes. Not drivin’ fancy cars and advertisin’ designer threads on their websites.”

“But, dude, without the bling, nobody’ll take the scientists seriously.”

“Worked for Gandhi.”

“Dude. You do know that Gandhi made millions as a lawyer before he started makin’ out like he was runnin’ a register at Mickey D’s, right? And you’ve heard what one of his staffers said, before Gandhi’s spinmeisters fired him?”

“What?”

“‘It takes a lot of money to keep Gandhi in poverty.'”

“So even he was a fake.”

“He faked you out. Isn’t that what counts?

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One Response to Dude On A Hot Tin Blog

  1. Karen A. says:

    I’ll be back later. I just wanted to say one of my favorite parts of one of my favorite movies is when Burl Ives starts yelling “Lies and more lies! Mendacity is everywhere … ”

    Cat on a Hot Tin Roof Dialogue

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