Slick

Delaware, dude!”

What Delaware, dude?”

Alaska.”

“You ask me, dude, I’ll say ‘Dude’s been into the funny mushrooms again.’ Let’s try once more, makin’ sense this time. What Delaware?”

“Alaska.”

What did I just …?!?

“Do the words Exxon Valdez mean anything to you?”

“Only the biggest oil spill in American history, dude.”

“Only was the biggest spill, you mean, dude.”

“Oh, right, that Deepwater Horizon thing off Louisiana. That slick’s as big as Delaware?

“Actually, it’s probably bigger than that by now. Might even hit Florida sometime soon.”

“Well, geez, dude, can’ t they stop it?”

“They’re doin’ all they can, dude. But it’s not as if they can tell you to drive your car to the middle of the Gulf of Mexico and fill up.”

“Well, if all they’re goin’ to do is make a frickin’ mess, they should quit drillin’ out there.”

“Right, dude. And if they do, the price of gas goes up.”

“And let the oil companies make those huge profits again? Tell ’em they can’t raise prices!”

“Which will not only cause a crash on Wall Street as investors dump oil stocks (right, BP?), but will also lead to long lines at the gas stations (if not outright rationing) ’cause the oil companies won’t bother to make gas if they can’t pick the price at which they can sell it. Obama and the Democrats can’t afford either one. Do you really want to see Sarah Palin become President that badly?”

“I don’t want to see Sarah Palin noplace, dude! But with all the evidence out there now that drillin’ for oil, and burnin’ gas in cars, is bad for the environment, surely people will drive less?”

“Dude?”

“Yeah?”

“You know the climate scientists, the ones who are doin’ all the alertin’ about human-generated carbon dioxide and how it’s heatin’ up the planet?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t see any of them givin’ up their cars. And if they ain’t, what chance have we got gettin’ anyone else to quit drivin’? Global warmin’ or no global warmin’? Hell, even the Weather Underground site, which preaches global warmin’ all the time, is sellin’ frickin’ RVs.”

“But what can we do, then, dude?”

“Watch American Idol?

“Is it on now? Gnarly! Fire up that big-screen baby!”

==================

“You see, Syd? Nothing to worry about. Give the peons just enough information to make their heads spin, and keep pumping out trash on the tube and the internet for them to run to. Works every time.”

“Gotta hand it to you, Reg, you do know how to arrange things. There’s a bottle of France’s finest on the table …”

“Thank you, but not tonight. I have, er, a followup meeting coming up.”

“Oh. Did you …?

“You’re a businessman, Syd. If you don’t need to know …”

  – O Ceallaigh
Copyright © 2010 Felloffatruck Publications. All wrongs deplored.
All opinions are mine as a private citizen.

This entry was posted in Dude and Dude, economy, headline news, humor, satire, science and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Slick

  1. Doug says:

    If it’s all a conspiracy, how come CNN didn’t mention?

  2. sauerkraut says:

    Dude!

    You have a way with words. retweeted by a twit the whole world over.

    Or to his very few followers.

  3. ~ Karen says:

    RT @IamSauerkraut Ocean scientist with different approach to gulf of mexico BP oil spill. http://ocquill.wordpress.com/

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