Dude and Dude: Ain't Misbehavin'

“Hey dude!”

“What?”

“I need to go to the store. You got any …?”

“No, dude, I ain’t.”

“You don’t look like one to me.”

“One what?

“An ain’t. Whatever an ain’t is. You look to me like a standard issue dude with a mouth that might be sharp enough to open his wallet with.”

“Dude, what is your problem?

“Besides needing to go to the store? It’s your language, dude. Don’t say ain’t!

“Why the hell not?”

“Because your mother will faint.”

“She’d better not. I’ve already replaced the motherboard on this laptop once. She gives me the spinning rainbow of death again, she’s in the garbage.”

“Where if she weren’t already dead, the smell would kill her. Nice, dude. Don’t leave out any paint buckets while you’re cleaning up, or your father will fall in them.”

Look, dude. Is it my fault that OC hasn’t yet figured out how to work Photoshop?”

“You’re just complainin’ ’cause you’ve been lurking around OC’s blogs for more than three years, and no one’s seen your smiling face yet. ‘Course, I haven’t seen your smiling face either. And your scrunched-up one is ug lee. So lighten up and cut OC a break. Sisters have cried and brothers have died trying to figure out Photoshop.”

“Are you done now, dude?”

“Done? With what?”

“With your lullaby. ‘Cause if you are, then I’m going to pretend to be Quilly and rock you to sleep.”

“Dude. I didn’t know you …”

With a real rock. Say goodnight, dude.”

“Goodnight, dude.”

Don’t say ain’t
Your mother will faint
Your father will fall in a bucket of paint
Your sister will cry
Your brother will die
And that’s the end of the lullaby

  – O Ceallaigh
Copyright © 2009 Felloffatruck Publications. All wrongs deplored.
All opinions are mine as a private citizen.

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7 Responses to Dude and Dude: Ain't Misbehavin'

  1. tilden says:

    last line in my day:

    and your baby will say oh my oh my

    • The Amoeba says:

      … and in mine it was “you won’t see them again ’til the Fourth of July.” Websearches revealed additional endings. Clearly the authors had trouble finding a fitting conclusion for this rhyme. Not that they didn’t have trouble with the rest of it.

  2. melli says:

    I’m not certain… but I think there’s a chance that you MAY need to get to Friday Harbor BEFORE January. I’m just sayin’….

  3. Thom says:

    I ain’t gonna even try and sing this lullaby ever LOL

  4. Bill says:

    I never knew that there was more to the lullaby past “Your father will fall in a bucket of paint”.

    Not what you could call a positive one. I can only try to imagine the brains behind it.

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