Dude and Dude: A Lizard's Tale

“Dude!!”

Now what?”

Look! Up on the wall! It’s a bird! It’s a plane …”

“It’s a lizard, dude. Hemidactylus frenatus, to be precise.”

“Hemidacta-hoo-a-huh-a-what?

“That’s gecko to you, dude.”

“They’re selling car insurance in our apartment?!?

“Not that gecko, dude. This gecko. There’s lots of different kinds, y’know.”

“Maybe you and OC know, dude. But I’m glad to hear it. I’ve heard of door-to-door sellers, but door-to-door lizards? Ridiculous. Besides. I never understood this company. A gecko. Haven’t they ever heard of Gordon Gecko?”

“That’s Gekko, dude. And lizards aren’t slimy. The company wouldn’t be beating on your door anyway. Last I knew, they weren’t selling insurance on virtual cars.”

“Good thing, dude.”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t have a virtual license.”

“That’s gotta be wrong, dude. You’re always driving me crazy.”

“For this I need insurance?

“No. I do.”

“Actually, I think it does. Your hemihoohahwhatsit. Scrawny little thing. What’s it doing in here? Can’t be getting much to eat. Or drink.”

“It’s probably hiding.”

“From what?”

“From its friends.”

“It’s got friends?

“Yeah. They don’t call it the Common House Gecko for nothin’. They’re all over the place. And if a little one meets up with a big one, it’s invited to dinner. So to speak.”

“Y’mean they’re cannibals??

“Minus the stew pot, dude, but, yeah.”

“So it’s native to Hawai’i then?”

“You are wrong, dude. It’s an import like just about everything else around here. Came to O’ahu during the 1940s and ate up all the rest of the lizards. ‘Course none of them were native, either.”

“Well, then, dude, what is native around here?”

“Um … centipedes.”

“Remind me again why we came here, dude?”

“So certain dudes could go surfing? Your bruises still hurting you?”

“Only when I laugh, dude …”

  – O Ceallaigh
Copyright © 2007 Felloffatruck Publications. All wrongs deplored.
All opinions are mine as a private citizen.

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4 Responses to Dude and Dude: A Lizard's Tale

  1. polona says:

    pretty hilarious but much more than that

  2. Dude, what do you get when you cross a centipede with a pig?

    Bacon and legs! (An authentic O’ahu breakfast speciality.)

  3. oceallaigh says:

    Thanks, Polona. I’ll tell the Dudes as soon as they get back from the would-be surfer’s physical therapy session.

    And to you, Morgan: Thanks for not hamming it up. 😉

  4. melli says:

    Duuuuuudes! I’d like some PHOTO’s of you dudes ON the surfboards! LOL!

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